lizbee: (Random: Statler and Waldorf)
lizbee ([personal profile] lizbee) wrote2011-12-11 11:34 am
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The worst Christmas song ever

Debating the Worst Christmas Song Ever seems to be a new annual event.  The main contender as usual is "Baby, It's Cold Outside", though I personally like it, and I get irrationally pouty when people say its outdated rom-com tropes are literal references to date rape. 

(Thank you for not further debating the point in the comments.) 

(The ironic thing is that I first fell in love with the song via the video for the Tom Jones/Cerys Matthews version, even though that actually is quite rapey, and also choreographed in such a way that puts one in mind of Tom Jones performing oral sex.  AND I DO APOLOGISE FOR THAT MENTAL IMAGE.  But I managed to repress all the gross bits until YouTube came along and brought them back.)

"Santa Baby" is another one that I secretly love, even though its gender politics are dodgy and it generally leaves me wanting to go, "Honey, Santa Claus is not your sugar daddy, and now there's a queue of REALLY CONFUSED CHILDREN outside the grotto."  (Also, the video for Kylie Minogue's version is also TERRIBLE, and I was going to excuse it on account of it being the '90s, but no, apparently that was made in 2010.  Dear God.)

(And frankly, I feel like both of them have been RUINED FOREVER by Community's tribute to the Sexy And Disturbing Christmas Song Genre.  Boopy doopy doop doop sex.)

The Spice Girls cover of "Sleigh Ride" is pretty bad, mostly because it was obviously recorded with the bare minimum of production magic, and frankly, those girls can't sing.  The various Doctor Who Christmas special songs are generally terrible. 

But for my money, the very worst Christmas song of all is "Last Christmas".  I mean, here we have a song about a completely sociopathic nice guy moaning because his unsolicited gift of body parts was rejected.  "Last Christmas, I gave you my heart, and the very next day, you gave it away."  Was this a consensual exchange of bloody hearts in boxes?  Not to mention the ethical questions inherent in the recipient's regifting of said organs.  THESE ARE THOUGHTS THAT STAY WITH ME THROUGH THE ENTIRE YEAR.

(Obviously the actual worst Christmas song of all time is "Christmas Shoes".  Which I've never even heard, but someone showed me the lyrics once, and now I plan to continue Never Hearing It Ever so as to not sully my delicate and fragile soul.)
trouble: Sketch of Hermoine from Harry Potter with "Bookworms will rule the world (after we finish the background reading)" on it (Default)

[personal profile] trouble 2011-12-11 12:39 am (UTC)(link)
I stand by my assertion that "simply having a wonderful Christmas time" is the worst Christmas song ever, but I don't know if it's played EVERYWHERE ALL THE TIME in Australia as it is here in Canada.
trouble: Sketch of Hermoine from Harry Potter with "Bookworms will rule the world (after we finish the background reading)" on it (Default)

[personal profile] trouble 2011-12-11 12:46 am (UTC)(link)
That's the one, although I only learned it was by McCartney this year.

I worked in a place that actually had it on repeat for an hour once.
sabra_n: (Default)

[personal profile] sabra_n 2011-12-11 01:11 am (UTC)(link)
Wow, that's up there with the time there was a polka loop playing outside my dorm room for six hours. At least that loop lasted 20 minutes or so.
icepixie: ([NX] Chris on Christmas Eve)

[personal profile] icepixie 2011-12-11 12:41 am (UTC)(link)
I have a secret fondness for that song, because I sang it as a little kid in a show choir-type thing, and we had a really cool jazzy dance to go along with it. But I fully admit that my musical taste runs counter to many people's. :D
trouble: Sketch of Hermoine from Harry Potter with "Bookworms will rule the world (after we finish the background reading)" on it (Default)

[personal profile] trouble 2011-12-11 12:47 am (UTC)(link)
*sobs* On the other hand, hearing it sung by small children might make it easier to deal with.
icepixie: ([Movies] Fred and Ginger heart)

[personal profile] icepixie 2011-12-11 03:14 am (UTC)(link)
Oh, probably our parents hated it just as much when we were singing it... :D
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[personal profile] rhivolution 2011-12-11 12:42 am (UTC)(link)
I just had a good rant about that song the other day on Twitter. It's just so very stunningly inane, isn't it?
trouble: Sketch of Hermoine from Harry Potter with "Bookworms will rule the world (after we finish the background reading)" on it (Default)

[personal profile] trouble 2011-12-11 12:47 am (UTC)(link)
INANE AND EVIL
musesfool: !!!! from Middleman (!!!!)

[personal profile] musesfool 2011-12-11 12:55 am (UTC)(link)
I HATE THAT SONG SO MUCH OMG! ABSOLUTELY IT IS THE WORST OF THE WORST.
trouble: Sketch of Hermoine from Harry Potter with "Bookworms will rule the world (after we finish the background reading)" on it (Default)

[personal profile] trouble 2011-12-11 12:59 am (UTC)(link)
IT NEEDS TO BE BANNED. FOREVER.
starlady: (firebolt)

[personal profile] starlady 2011-12-11 01:07 am (UTC)(link)
The States, too. *shudders*
purple_smurf: A star hanging down into frame on a ribbon (Star)

[personal profile] purple_smurf 2011-12-11 01:10 am (UTC)(link)
I have a copy of that song sung by Martin Sheen, Stockard Channing and John Spencer that I don't think I've ever managed to listen to in full in one sitting, due to sheer embarrassment.
rj_anderson: (Sherlock - Benedict Cumberbatch Steeple)

[personal profile] rj_anderson 2011-12-11 01:27 am (UTC)(link)
...this is true. EVERYWHERE. ALL THE TIME.

But actually I don't mind it as much as I do a lot of other Jolly Holiday Songs, so I don't get upset about it as much as I would if it were, say, "Santa Baby" (any version) or "Santa Claus Is Comin' To Town" (any version) or "Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer" (is there more than one version?)

And like a true Canadian, I have been known to actually sing along with Bob and Doug's Twelve Days of Christmas. "And a beer, in a tree..."
trouble: Sketch of Hermoine from Harry Potter with "Bookworms will rule the world (after we finish the background reading)" on it (Default)

[personal profile] trouble 2011-12-11 01:30 am (UTC)(link)
I love that Bob & Doug MacKenzie song. :D

I've heard "parody" versions of Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer", but no actual other version.
rj_anderson: (Doctor Who - Thing in Progress)

[personal profile] rj_anderson 2011-12-11 01:44 am (UTC)(link)
For the benefit of those not Canadian and/or alive in the early 80's, Bob & Doug's 12 Days of Christmas.

The animation is cute, though much more recent than the song. Ignore the strange London taxi advert in the first 8 seconds, I have no idea what that's about.

And for reference, the real Bob & Doug MacKenzie (or as real as they ever got).
purple_smurf: two candles (Christmas candles)

[personal profile] purple_smurf 2011-12-11 02:47 am (UTC)(link)
I only heard of "Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer" this year. I still refuse to believe it actually exists.
icepixie: ([NX] Chris on Christmas Eve)

[personal profile] icepixie 2011-12-11 12:42 am (UTC)(link)
I was all set to comment with "CHRISTMAS SHOES OMG," and then I read your last paragraph. But yeah, that one. Ugh.
trouble: Sketch of Hermoine from Harry Potter with "Bookworms will rule the world (after we finish the background reading)" on it (Default)

[personal profile] trouble 2011-12-11 12:47 am (UTC)(link)
I am now grateful I have never heard of this song before.
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[personal profile] rhivolution 2011-12-11 12:45 am (UTC)(link)
Apparently Santa Baby in its original form was actually satiric? I'm not sure how much I buy it, though Eartha Kitt did know what she was talking about, I will give the blogpost writer some credit.
rhivolution: Q gets comfy on the Enterprise-D bridge (why helllloooo.: Q)

[personal profile] rhivolution 2011-12-11 12:52 am (UTC)(link)
I've always been of the impression that nearly everyone who's sang that song since about 1980 has been predominantly non-ironic about it.
rhivolution: Mulder's I Want To Believe poster from X-Files, with a TARDIS in place of the spaceship (I want to believe: X-Files/TARDIS)

[personal profile] rhivolution 2011-12-11 12:56 am (UTC)(link)
I should clarify! I read it as having sort of two levels of irony, one of which being the 'oh, we're being cutesy and playing around' level, and the other being the 'there are people who buy into these politics/materialism and that's sad' level.

The second level is the level I mean that people haven't been putting into it, which Kitt apparently was?
melwil: (Default)

[personal profile] melwil 2011-12-11 01:01 am (UTC)(link)
Kate has a hatred for Little Donkey. I'm reserving mine for The Lonliest Christmas Tree and anything that played at the Myer Centre when I worked there
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[personal profile] rhivolution 2011-12-11 01:01 am (UTC)(link)
I would like to nominate Dominic the Christmas Donkey, which I never had heard until I spent winter in New England.

It's not really on the 'Wonderful Christmastime' level, but it's...special.
starlady: (cranberries)

[personal profile] starlady 2011-12-11 01:09 am (UTC)(link)
No, I still think I hate "I saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus" the most.
rj_anderson: (Sherlock - High Functioning Sociopath)

[personal profile] rj_anderson 2011-12-11 01:38 am (UTC)(link)
Actually, that is... yeah. Really good candidate for hatred there.

Also, "All I Want For Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth". Basically, any Christmas song which requires the singer to play the part of (or be) a six-year-old results in tooth grinding from this quarter.
mme_hardy: White rose (Default)

[personal profile] mme_hardy 2011-12-11 05:48 pm (UTC)(link)
::applauds:: Did your parents play the song at their next party?
recessional: a photo image of feet in sparkly red shoes (Default)

[personal profile] recessional 2011-12-11 01:13 am (UTC)(link)
Last Christmas was originally by a guy? Learn something every day - I ALWAYS hear it covered by whiny women. But I don't hate it for that so much as I hate it for the SHEER INANITY, TRITE RHYMES AND GENERAL ARTISTIC STUPIDITY of the lyrics.

Bad Xmas songs is why I have a 14hour long Xmas playlist of my own, scavanged from every corner I could find something in that I didn't hate. Because my family insists on playing Appropriate Music, and I insist that 99% of Xmas music makes me want to stab myself in the head with a spoon.

This makes for a REMARKABLY high quotient of explicitly Christian songs on a playlist by a henotheistic polytheist, but it's not my fault that secularist Xmas music has, for the most part, been utterly, utterly dire.
Edited 2011-12-11 01:18 (UTC)
recessional: a photo image of feet in sparkly red shoes (Default)

[personal profile] recessional 2011-12-11 01:32 am (UTC)(link)
I have Sarah McLachlan's, three of Loreena McKennit's, and Mary Chapin-Carpenter's as well, and Yo-Yo Ma's Songs of Love and Peace. Plus a recording of Handel's Messiah, an album of the Schola Cantorum of St Peter's doing some extremely beautiful angel-focused polyphany, and an album of Hildegard von Blingen. And a whole bunch of bits and pieces from other stuff (couple of Vienna Teng, other songs off random albums, stuff that just sounds Xmassy). John Rutter recorded some stuff with the Oxford Boy's Choir that's absolutely gorgeous.

[personal profile] fannishnonsense 2011-12-11 01:24 am (UTC)(link)
I don't know if it's the worst, but the Christmas song I hate the most is Feed The World (Let Them Know It's Christmas). It's just so obnoxious, and patronizing, and every time I hear it I want to punch everyone involved.

[personal profile] fannishnonsense 2011-12-11 01:29 am (UTC)(link)
That is an excellent plan, and I may have to adopt it in the future.
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[personal profile] lilacsigil 2011-12-11 01:27 am (UTC)(link)
And there won't be snow in Africa this Christmas!

[personal profile] fannishnonsense 2011-12-11 01:29 am (UTC)(link)
Who thinks that's a good line? Who?
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[personal profile] tree_and_leaf 2011-12-11 02:09 pm (UTC)(link)
I bet there is up Kilimanjaro....
sanj: A woman sitting in space, in a lotus leaf (Default)

[personal profile] sanj 2011-12-11 02:04 am (UTC)(link)
OMG, thank you. People treat this song with kid gloves because it was such a successful fundraiser, which, yay. Feed the world. Good idea.

But the song itself is as inane as crap and so patronizing. Do they know it's Christmas? I suspect that they probably do know, should they have any reason to care.

Next year: "Let Them Know It's Eid al-Fitr."
copracat: Kate Hepburn with an arm full of gifts and the text 'All I want for Christmas' (merry kate)

[personal profile] copracat 2011-12-11 03:16 am (UTC)(link)
One hundred thousand percent agreed.

Also, there's something like 400-450 million Christians in Africa (40- 45% of the total population, sources disagree) so I reckon, yes, yes they know it's Christmas ffs.
Edited (further ranting) 2011-12-11 03:22 (UTC)
jesuswasbatman: (Default)

[personal profile] jesuswasbatman 2011-12-11 11:28 am (UTC)(link)
It's not as bad as the US equivalent "We Are the World". No you fucking aren't.
mme_hardy: White rose (Default)

[personal profile] mme_hardy 2011-12-11 05:48 pm (UTC)(link)
Thank you thank you thank you.

"Well, tonight thank God it's them instead of you". I may have gotten the quote slightly wrong because I AM NOT FUCKING GOOGLING IT.
prof_pangaea: the master (Default)

i want a hippopotamus for christmas

[personal profile] prof_pangaea 2011-12-11 01:30 am (UTC)(link)
this is a song i never heard until last year at work. it plays several times. every. day.

http://www.youtube.com/embed/9RBZz730ibU

i still can't believe it's real.
unjapanologist: (Default)

Re: i want a hippopotamus for christmas

[personal profile] unjapanologist 2011-12-11 02:04 am (UTC)(link)
Thank you. That song made all sorts of things better.
lilacsigil: 12 Apostles rocks, text "Rock On" (12 Apostles)

Re: i want a hippopotamus for christmas

[personal profile] lilacsigil 2011-12-11 02:13 am (UTC)(link)
My Nana used to sing that to me when I was little! I like it because of its unabashed greed for awesome presents!
neadods: (Default)

Re: i want a hippopotamus for christmas

[personal profile] neadods 2011-12-11 03:01 am (UTC)(link)
I've always had a soft spot for that one.

If it makes it feel any real-er, Prof, it was a novelty song some zoo came up with because they needed to raise funds (to buy a hippo, natch.). I don't think anyone involved knew it would "stick."
marymac: Noser from Middleman (Default)

Re: i want a hippopotamus for christmas

[personal profile] marymac 2011-12-11 12:57 pm (UTC)(link)
That has just made me dig out 'I Want An Alien For Christmas'.

My neighbours now don't know which song they want to kill more.
selvage: (Default)

[personal profile] selvage 2011-12-11 01:47 am (UTC)(link)
I hate "Little Drummer Boy" and "Little Donkey". And I've never heard Christmas Shoes either, after hearing the outpourings of hatred about it I've avoided it like the plague.

However, a plug for good Christmas music: "Snow Angels" and "The Darkest Night Of The Year" by Over The Rhine, mostly original compositions. This is probably my favourite: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u-Zu95cHK2U
rj_anderson: (Sherlock - Benedict Cumberbatch Steeple)

[personal profile] rj_anderson 2011-12-11 02:36 am (UTC)(link)
I cannot hate "Little Drummer Boy" because I saw Bing Crosby and David Bowie sing it live on the Bing Crosby Christmas Special the first time it aired oh dear heavens I am so old. But it was soooooo beautiful with the "Peace on Earth" part, and also BOWIE.
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[personal profile] sanj 2011-12-11 02:07 am (UTC)(link)
"Sleigh Ride." Without the lyrics, it's a derpy little school band number that makes the percussionists happy. The lyrics are possibly the most wonderbread blah thing to have ever come out of that era of secular carols. Bleh.

kerravonsen: Three camels with riders: WISE MEN still seek Him (wise-men-seek-him)

[personal profile] kerravonsen 2011-12-11 02:56 am (UTC)(link)
I'm afraid "Santa Baby" is on my list of Worst Ever Christmas Songs. I'm not sure what's on the top of the list, but that one is definitely on the list.
icepixie: ([Burn Notice] Mike Fi thought bomb)

[personal profile] icepixie 2011-12-11 03:13 am (UTC)(link)
Ohhhh, "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus" is high up on my list of hate too.

But I forgot about The Donkey Carol. Is there a stupider choral piece in existence? Is there? Because I don't think there is. Curse you, John Rutter.
kerravonsen: Three camels with riders: WISE MEN still seek Him (wise-men-seek-him)

[personal profile] kerravonsen 2011-12-11 03:16 am (UTC)(link)
On a completely different note, sometimes a song can be made or broken by the performance.

One of my favourite Christmas performances ever is "Gabriel's Message" as performed by Sting: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GF2BzUDeTkY

And yet on the same album ("A Very Special Christmas") has to be the worst rendition of "Silent Night" I've ever heard, inflicted on the world by Stevie Nicks.
copracat: danny kaye in santa hat with text "merry and bright" (merry and bright)

[personal profile] copracat 2011-12-11 03:29 am (UTC)(link)
I actually love almost all Christmas songs. I have a huge collection of everything from serious business choral music to divas I normally wouldn't have in my music collection due to them being Celine Dion. Christmas music is the only genre in which I own novelty records. I could listen to ten versions of the same song in a row and count it forty-five minutes well spent.

In fact, this post has made me fire up the choral mix.
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[personal profile] capri0mni 2011-12-11 05:11 am (UTC)(link)
I've always hated "Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer"-- ever since kindergarten. I didn't have the language, back then, to complain about able-bodied privilege and exploitation. But I always knew that's what the song is really about. Even at the end, when they all (supposedly) loved him, it was only because his physical difference was useful to them, and not because of his personhood. The worst was one year, when I had to be in the hospital for orthopedic surgery around Christmas, and they kept piping that song into the speakers in the children's ward to "cheer us up"

Ayggh! Do not want!!
el_staplador: (Default)

[personal profile] el_staplador 2011-12-11 09:39 am (UTC)(link)
Mistletoe and Wine. Firstly, it's Cliff bloody Richard. Secondly, the line about 'children singing Christian rhyme'. Which a) doesn't rhyme; b) they probably aren't, they're singing Jingle Bells or some other awful crap; c) the thought of children singing anything Christmassy makes me want to strangle somebody anyway.

I did not know that there were lyrics to Sleigh Ride. I am not going to go and seek them out. I quite like it when performed by our organist and scratch percussion ensemble, who are very good.

On the whole, though, I ignore the secular/pop stuff and mainly listen to The Messiah and 'Advent from $cathedral' because that is all awesome, and Advent has better music than Christmas anyway.

Christmas church music that I really hate: Hark the Herald (does terrible things to my ears) and the complete oeuvre of John Rutter.
jesuswasbatman: (BZZZZZZZZZT!)

[personal profile] jesuswasbatman 2011-12-11 11:30 am (UTC)(link)
I was just about to add "Mistletoe and Wine": vapid and utterly dirgelike. John Rutter also sounds like Muzak to me.
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[personal profile] tree_and_leaf 2011-12-11 02:14 pm (UTC)(link)
John Rutter is the choral equivalent of lift music. I think he's mainly popular because he's very very easy and thus choirs that are not that good at singing in parts probably won't mess him up too badly.

[personal profile] lydaclunas 2011-12-11 02:03 pm (UTC)(link)
No loathing for "Feliz Navidad" yet? Maybe it's only in Texas where we get stuck with that heinous earworm all the time. I know there must be better Spanish Christmas carols out there, for the love.
rj_anderson: (Sherlock - High Functioning Sociopath)

[personal profile] rj_anderson 2011-12-11 07:01 pm (UTC)(link)
NOOOOOOOOOO! YOU INVOKED THE WORST CHRISTMAS EARWORM EVER!!!

*weeps and bangs head against the wall*
mme_hardy: White rose (Default)

[personal profile] mme_hardy 2011-12-11 05:46 pm (UTC)(link)
I think "Baby, It's Cold Outside" is sexy as hell. Mmm, Eartha Kitt. When she sings anything, it's consensual.

[personal profile] philippos42 2011-12-15 04:43 am (UTC)(link)
Hm. I'm pretty indifferent to Xmas songs, when I'm not annoyed in general. No, that's not it; I really try to avoid them. So I don't have any really bad ones in mind.

I went looking for a good track of Vanessa L. Williams singing "Baby It's Cold Outside," but only found one where I think she's good and the guy is relatively meh.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7uGoF4Uf6S4

Really, I mostly like ones with the Magi in them; which are technically Epiphany songs or something. I am deeply weird.
Do you know this one? It's by a couple of your countrymen, but I suspect that Steve Kilbey and Marty Willson-Piper are a bit disreputable....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7FZEzXyEBzc "Lullaby"
lemposoi: Gillian Anderson in blue. (Default)

[personal profile] lemposoi 2011-12-21 09:07 pm (UTC)(link)
Absolute fucking agreement on every point, except I've never even heard of Christmas Shoes, and now I'm not going to look into it any further.