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*ponders*
What should I write?
Good suggestions may result in commentfic. Sensible suggestions like "your Avatar Big Bang, because you've had Azula and Toph stuck in an underground lake for weeks and they're starting to get cranky" will be met with eyedarts.
Good suggestions may result in commentfic. Sensible suggestions like "your Avatar Big Bang, because you've had Azula and Toph stuck in an underground lake for weeks and they're starting to get cranky" will be met with eyedarts.
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The Wizards Come to UNIT
"It's from my world," said Ancelyn, ignoring the captain's request. He held it out to his wife. "The science-mages of my dimension use it for time travel. They say it was a gift from Merlin."
"It's a Time Turner," said Bambera.
"Yes," said Ancelyn patiently.
"Like in Harry Potter."
"Yes."
"You're saying Harry Potter is real?"
"Not ... quite." Ancelyn looked uncomfortable. "I think the lady Rowling must have lived for a time near a rift, dreaming of my world. The story itself is fiction, but certain details are true."
"And you didn't say anything?"
"I thought the children might ... misunderstand."
Bambera nodded. The last thing they needed was a call from school asking why Gwyn and Tris were searching for an inter-dimensional portal. Not after the incident with the broadsword at recess.
"It sounds like you know a fair bit about it," said Captain Magambo to Ancelyn, nodding at the Time Turner.
"We come from the same world."
"Good. Be a bloody riot if we had to conscript J. K. Rowling as an advisor. I'd be filling out forms for years."
"Shame," said Bambera. "She could have explained that business with the wands at the end." Magambo looked at her.
"We read the books with the kids!"
"Of course, Brigadier-General."
end
Re: The Wizards Come to UNIT
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(am feeling very confused today)
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age 13
There was a woman watching her train. Azula spun around, catching a glimpse of light-coloured curls and an approving smile.
Then the woman pressed her finger to her lips, quiet, and vanished.
Azula stared for a moment at the place where the woman had stood. Then she blasted it with fire again and again, until the ground was scorched and no trace of the woman's footprints remained.
She didn't mention it to anyone. They would have thought she was mad.
age 22
"That's funny," said Azula. "All those years, I thought you were another hallucination."
The prisoner's smile was familiar. Her pale skin and hair were strange, but there were bruises on her arms where the guards had used force, and fine lines around her eyes. Whoever she was, the woman was human.
Even if she hadn't aged a day in nine years.
"Overshot a little," the prisoner said. She leaned forward, resting her chin on the backs her hands. It was uncouth, but she somehow made it look comfortable, even powerful. "Look at you, all grown up. Still a princess? No, right, they took the title away. Sorry."
Azula concentrated on the papers in her hands.
"According to the reports, you were caught stealing a scroll from the Fire Sages."
"I'm passionate about history?"
"My brother opened the royal archives to all."
"Yes, but I wanted the secret histories. Much more fun."
"The penalty for assaulting a Sage is branding." The woman said nothing. Azula turned the page and tried a different tack. "The machines you had with you. How do they work? What do they do?"
"You remind me of my mother."
Azula looked up. "What?"
"Harder, of course. I'd say scarier, but she'd probably just take that as a challenge. But you have a lot in common. Aside from the adolescent psychiatric dysfunction, I mean."
Azula stood up.
"Until now, you've been quite well-treated," she said quietly. "I can change that. My brother and his wife are dealing with another miscarriage, and I can assure you, by the time they're ready to look at affairs of state again, there will be no record of your existence."
"River Song."
"I beg your pardon?"
"That's my name." The woman traced the characters in the thin volcanic dust that covered the interrogation room. Her strokes were rough, childish, but readable: 曲水. "I was looking for Fire Lord Shijian's account of the barbarian physician who saved his life. I'm in it."
"That's a fairy tale."
"Aren't we all." River Song leaned back in her chair. "I've been threatened by worse things than you, Azula. Go and read the scroll."
Azula got to her feet and swept out, forcing herself to leave before she did something she would regret.
She wasn't surprised when the guards reported two days later that the prisoner, and her machines, had escaped. She didn't even reprimand the officers in charge. Instead, she sat at her desk and traced the same characters over and over again. 曲水.
Then she summoned the Chief Sage and had him bring her Fire Lord Shijian's scroll.
age 38
"Mom? Is it true you once killed the Avatar?"
Azula put down her brush and looked up into the innocent green eyes of her daughter.
("Being a parent's not that hard," Zuko had said. "It basically boils down to being honest with your kids, and not setting them on fire."
She was going to kill Zuko.)
"You know," said Toph, "however you answer that, you're never going to be able to discipline her again."
"Really?" Diao asked. "Is that a rule?"
"No," said Azula before Toph could make the situation worse. "It's absolutely not a rule. You have to do what I say regardless of--" She paused to find the right word, which was a mistake.
"So did you kill the Avatar?" Diao said.
"I ... thought I had very good reasons at the time."
"And he got better," Toph added.
"I had very good reasons for putting Xi Hong in a rock cage," Diao started.
Azula was saved by the entrance of a servant, closely followed by a city guard.
"This morning we arrested a woman trying to break into the palace complex," said the guard. "She insists she needs to see you. She gave us this."
He held out a scroll addressed to Bei Fong Azula. She opened it, already suspecting what she would find.
"One moment," she said.
*
River smiled and bowed when she entered.
"Your calligraphy has improved," said Azula.
"Practice."
"I brought the scroll." Azula hesitated. "Is it true? Can you really travel in time?"
River tapped the heavy leather band around her wrist. "More or less."
She opened the scroll Azula had bought, covered in Fire Lord Shijian's neat calligraphy. The paintings were particularly detailed: the blue box, the thin man with the outlandish hair, River Song herself.
"It must be very strange," said Azula, "to be able to undo the past."
"We can't do as much as you'd think," said River. "There are rules. Well, guidelines. Sometimes it's better to just live with the regret." She squeezed Azula's hand. "It gets easier. But you know that.
age 80
The airship landed with the slightest of jolts, but it was still enough to set Azula's joints to aching. She let her grand-niece lead her down the gangway. If Izumi noticed the slight tremor in her hands, she kept it to herself. Which gave her more common sense than most of her relatives. The Fire Lord, stupid boy, had attempted to forbid her from making this journey.
"The good thing about being old is that no one expects a pretence of niceness," she said.
"No one has ever expected niceness from you, Great-Aunt."
Diao waited for them at the ground, her armour polished and gleaming.
"Mother," she said, bowing. "Princess Izumi."
"Captain Bei Fong."
"You look like a ceremonial guard," Azula sniffed.
"I'm a police officer, mother. It's an honourable profession." Diao helped her into the automobile. "Are you comfortable?"
"Yes," said Azula. She caught her daughter's hand. "You look very well," she said.
Diao smiled, just a little.
"I shouldn't be doing this," she said as she navigated the streets of Zuko and Aang's city, "but I remembered your stories. It seemed the right thing to do."
There were electrical lights in the police headquarters, even in the interrogation rooms. Electricity called to Azula like lightning, but she was an old woman now, and not as strong as she had once been. But Izumi's fire was blue, and soon the Avatar would come to her for training. It was something.
"You look younger than I remembered." Azula sat down, dismissing her daughter and grand-niece. "But everyone seems young these days. Even cities, apparently."
River tilted her head.
"I don't know you. Yet."
"Pity. I was looking forward to seeing you."
"I'm looking for--"
"Yes, the scroll of Fire Lord Shijian. It's not here." Azula watched River's shoulders slump. "Tell me," she said, "why do we always meet when you're in prison?"
"Just habit, I guess." River rubbed her eyes. "What does it say about me, that I'm most at home in prisons?" She didn't wait for an answer. "You're a member of the royal family. Do you know what happened to the scroll?"
Azula leaned forward. Diao would be listening, claiming it was her civil duty rather than honest curiosity. "I gave it to you," she said softly. "Long ago."
"Good." There was a flicker of River's old-new confidence in her eyes. "Thank you."
"Do you need help getting out of here?"
"Probably not." River smiled. "I'm good at getting out of jail."
The interview was over. But Azula lingered, hesitating.
"I've outlived my wife, my brother, most of my friends. But you've been a strange sort of constant over the years. Thank you." She found a piece of paper and drew a pair of characters.
"What does it mean?" asked River.
"It's your name. Learn it." Azula got to her feet. "I don't expect I'll see you again. But good luck."
She left with all the sweeping majesty of a daughter of the royal family of the Fire Nation. Diao and her colleagues would think her an anachronism, but she didn't do it for them. The admiration in River's eyes was all the motivation she needed.
end
Mandarin notes:
The characters for River's name are "song" + "river/water".
Shijian is "time".
Diao is "melody/song".
I do not actually speak Mandarin.
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Re: The Wizards Come to UNIT
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Thin Ice
"Lots of reasons," said Sokka, "all of them excellent."
"Oh yeah?"
"For one thing, Aang can't get married without some kind of masculine manly hunting taking place. And since Aang doesn't eat meat, it's down to you and me to carry on the ancient traditions of my people. Manly traditions."
"Right," said Zuko. "Only, fishing isn't hunting."
"The first rule of being a manly man is that when Gran-Gran says we have enough meat but could use more fish, you listen."
"I see."
"The second rule is that when Katara says to get out of her hair and stop threatening Aang, you obey."
"I -- wait." Zuko tried to push his hair out of his face, although his thick gloves seemed only good for pushing his hood askew. "You threatened the Avatar?"
"You used to threaten him all the time!"
Zuko crossed his arms.
"He was all ... touchy! With Katara! Who is my sister!"
"They're getting married!"
"It made me uncomfortable!"
"So you're saying that we're out here, looking at a hole in the ice, because you can't get over the idea that your sister is property?"
"Now you sound like Suki."
"Well, she's right about a lot of things."
"You keep your sister locked up in prison!"
"It's a hospital! It used to be a nobleman's compound before my father killed his entire family and confiscated their property." Zuko paused, then hurried on, "And also, she keeps trying to kill people."
Sokka was leaning forward to concentrate on his spear, the fishing hole and the ice, but he waggled his butt in a way that was meant to be dismissive.
"It's very comfortable," Zuko said. "It's not like she's kept chained up or anything."
"Hand me that knife?"
"And we were talking about your sister! And how you managed to get both of us banished to this ... wasteland."
"Hey!" Sokka looked up. "This wasteland is my home!" He rejected the knife that Zuko offered in favour of one that was almost identical, and returned to the hole. "Anyway, bringing you out here was Mai's idea."
"...Huh?"
"She said you were being stifled at court and probably needed to go kill something."
"Oh. That's nice of her."
"Yeah. She's really thoughtful. I mean," Sokka took careful aim, "if you and she weren't together, and Suki and I weren't deliriously happy, I'd totally consider--" He stopped. "Just how many knives do you have right now?"
"Lots," said Zuko, "but I only need one."
"Good. Yes. Anyway. Your wife. Really great person. Platonically speaking, I mean."
"Right."
"Fish!"
"What?"
Zuko jumped to his feet, then stopped, feeling a bit ridiculous as he watched Sokka. When Sokka leaned back, he had a big, fat fish flopping on the end of his spear.
"Yup," he said, "we'll be feasting tonight."
"Except for Aang."
"Except for Aang." Sokka detached the fish and put it in the bucket. Then he handed the spear to Zuko.
"What? Oh no, I don't think--"
"The third rule of being a manly man is that everyone does his share. Spear. Fish. Hole. Go."
Zuko sighed.
"Also, Mai will think it's really hot if you can hunt your own food," Sokka said. "It might even make her think twice about leaving you for me."
"Fine," said Zuko, taking his position, "but only because your family wouldn't want me to kill you. I'm doing this for the greater good."
There was movement in the water. Zuko thrust the spear, but the fish was too fast, and the ice was slippery. Sokka's spear sank beneath the ice.
"Also because it's funny," Sokka said.
end
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C'Mon and Help Me Sing It!
What they found were a lot of crying Vogons. And vomiting Vogons. Vogons who were bleeding from the ears. Vogons who were trying to eat their own toes.
"What happened?" the Doctor asked.
"You can't seriously tell me you're immune to Vogon poetry," Jack added.
Rose shrugged. "I remembered what you said about it. Before they cracked a book, I gave them a reading of my own."
"You write poetry?"
It was a measure of Jack's distraction that he hardly made it sound sleazy at all.
"No," said Rose, "but I know the lyrics to every Spice Girls song ever released. And a bunch of the unreleased stuff that got leaked onto the internet." She shrugged. "I've got a good memory for bad lyrics."
They made their escape before the Vogons could recover. Then the Doctor made Rose purge her CD collection from the TARDIS.
"She's very sensitive," he said.
"Even Victoria Beckham's solo stuff? That saved my life back there!"
"Especially Victoria Beckham's solo stuff."
end
Re: C'Mon and Help Me Sing It!
Stop right now, thank you very much,
I need somebody with the human touch,
Hey you, always on the run,
Gotta slow it down baby, gotta have some fun
....I do not want to vid this to Nine/Rose now. Really.
I hate you.
Re: C'Mon and Help Me Sing It!
Re: Thin Ice
This is ADORABLE and so very them. Thank you so much!
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Re: C'Mon and Help Me Sing It!
(Also, Victoria Beckham had solo stuff? No, no, please don't share. Really. Don't.)
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Re: The Wizards Come to UNIT
Re: C'Mon and Help Me Sing It!
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Re: The Wizards Come to UNIT
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(I've never seen any ATLA: if it was ever on a channel I get, it was before I knew about it, so I only know it from people's journals and Racebending.)
Inheritance
Instead, Diao has pale skin and green eyes, and a solemn, narrow face that reminds Azula of Toph's mother. Azula decides to count herself lucky, even after she returns to her rooms in the palace and finds her daughter sprawled on the carpet, contentedly pulling apart one of Zuko's new electrical lamps and pointing out to the Crown Prince of the Fire Nation all the interesting ways one could combine firebending and metalbending to make it more powerful.
The prince is banished back to his tutor, and Azula says, "What am I to do with you?"
"You could send me to the workshops," says Diao diffidently, "so I can see the lamps being made properly."
Azula doesn't bother to dignify that with a response.
"Clean up this mess," she says, nudging a piece of lamp with her foot. "Tonight, before dinner, you can stand up and apologise to the Fire Lord for destroying his property."
Diao shrinks, not so much at the apology as at the prospect of making it in public. Azula feels a twinge of sympathy, quickly repressed. Her mother once gave her a similar punishment after she set fire to Azulon's garden. Azula had managed to craft an apology that made it sound like Lu Ten and Zuko's faults, and her father had laughed, and the rest of the night was full of the stiff, unhappy silence between her parents.
It's not that she's especially good as a parent, Azula thinks. Diao is simply too straightforward to bother with lies. Which is one of the many things Azula doesn't quite understand about her, along with the way she hears the earth and cannot look at a machine without wanting to pull it to pieces.
(Azula can taste lightning and see all the weak points in people and governments that will make them fall apart, and her imagination fills in the rest, but the fact remains that there are languages that Diao speaks that she will never learn.)
They visit Toph's mother every spring. Poppy watches her granddaughter help sweep Toph's father's tomb and says, "It's lucky that she doesn't take after her father."
Toph tenses, but Azula just says, "Not yet, but maybe she'll grow into it," and later she makes arrangements to take her daughter to see the workshops and factories of the city.
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Wait, I know exactly how adorable, but yes. This is so perfectly them. I love Sokka's mouth, nearly as fast to get him out of trouble as in, and his opportunistic approach to everything he does.
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*thumbs up*
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