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The worst Christmas song ever
Dec. 11th, 2011 11:34 amDebating the Worst Christmas Song Ever seems to be a new annual event. The main contender as usual is "Baby, It's Cold Outside", though I personally like it, and I get irrationally pouty when people say its outdated rom-com tropes are literal references to date rape.
(Thank you for not further debating the point in the comments.)
(The ironic thing is that I first fell in love with the song via the video for the Tom Jones/Cerys Matthews version, even though that actually is quite rapey, and also choreographed in such a way that puts one in mind of Tom Jones performing oral sex. AND I DO APOLOGISE FOR THAT MENTAL IMAGE. But I managed to repress all the gross bits until YouTube came along and brought them back.)
"Santa Baby" is another one that I secretly love, even though its gender politics are dodgy and it generally leaves me wanting to go, "Honey, Santa Claus is not your sugar daddy, and now there's a queue of REALLY CONFUSED CHILDREN outside the grotto." (Also, the video for Kylie Minogue's version is also TERRIBLE, and I was going to excuse it on account of it being the '90s, but no, apparently that was made in 2010. Dear God.)
(And frankly, I feel like both of them have been RUINED FOREVER by Community's tribute to the Sexy And Disturbing Christmas Song Genre. Boopy doopy doop doop sex.)
The Spice Girls cover of "Sleigh Ride" is pretty bad, mostly because it was obviously recorded with the bare minimum of production magic, and frankly, those girls can't sing. The various Doctor Who Christmas special songs are generally terrible.
But for my money, the very worst Christmas song of all is "Last Christmas". I mean, here we have a song about a completely sociopathic nice guy moaning because his unsolicited gift of body parts was rejected. "Last Christmas, I gave you my heart, and the very next day, you gave it away." Was this a consensual exchange of bloody hearts in boxes? Not to mention the ethical questions inherent in the recipient's regifting of said organs. THESE ARE THOUGHTS THAT STAY WITH ME THROUGH THE ENTIRE YEAR.
(Obviously the actual worst Christmas song of all time is "Christmas Shoes". Which I've never even heard, but someone showed me the lyrics once, and now I plan to continue Never Hearing It Ever so as to not sully my delicate and fragile soul.)
(Thank you for not further debating the point in the comments.)
(The ironic thing is that I first fell in love with the song via the video for the Tom Jones/Cerys Matthews version, even though that actually is quite rapey, and also choreographed in such a way that puts one in mind of Tom Jones performing oral sex. AND I DO APOLOGISE FOR THAT MENTAL IMAGE. But I managed to repress all the gross bits until YouTube came along and brought them back.)
"Santa Baby" is another one that I secretly love, even though its gender politics are dodgy and it generally leaves me wanting to go, "Honey, Santa Claus is not your sugar daddy, and now there's a queue of REALLY CONFUSED CHILDREN outside the grotto." (Also, the video for Kylie Minogue's version is also TERRIBLE, and I was going to excuse it on account of it being the '90s, but no, apparently that was made in 2010. Dear God.)
(And frankly, I feel like both of them have been RUINED FOREVER by Community's tribute to the Sexy And Disturbing Christmas Song Genre. Boopy doopy doop doop sex.)
The Spice Girls cover of "Sleigh Ride" is pretty bad, mostly because it was obviously recorded with the bare minimum of production magic, and frankly, those girls can't sing. The various Doctor Who Christmas special songs are generally terrible.
But for my money, the very worst Christmas song of all is "Last Christmas". I mean, here we have a song about a completely sociopathic nice guy moaning because his unsolicited gift of body parts was rejected. "Last Christmas, I gave you my heart, and the very next day, you gave it away." Was this a consensual exchange of bloody hearts in boxes? Not to mention the ethical questions inherent in the recipient's regifting of said organs. THESE ARE THOUGHTS THAT STAY WITH ME THROUGH THE ENTIRE YEAR.
(Obviously the actual worst Christmas song of all time is "Christmas Shoes". Which I've never even heard, but someone showed me the lyrics once, and now I plan to continue Never Hearing It Ever so as to not sully my delicate and fragile soul.)
