lizbee | Assorted crack fics (Reply)

Requests from this morning's meme:

Mycroft Holmes's first day at Torchwood.

Martha and Rose in a high school AU.

The one where baby!Romana was adopted by the Tylers.

Snape and the Doctor team up to fight evil.

And as long as I'm posting crackfic -- I wrote this at

ladyvivien's request a few weeks back. She demanded "Romana,Liz, Sarah and Jo sitting in Sarah's attic, drunk off their asses." And I do enjoy drunk!fic.

"Sarah," said Jo carefully, "is your attic meant to be spinning?"

"Humans," said Romana, "are lightweights." She was sprawled out on Sarah's couch, contemplating astrophysics and her next drink. Something with a little umbrella would be nice. Provided that Sarah had little umbrellas. So far she'd demonstrated a worrying lack of essential items, like DNA analysers and artificial gravity field generators.

"I don't believe that," said Sarah, and Romana had to find her train of thought again. "I once had to fish the Doctor out of a fountain at three in the morning."

"Oh," said Romana dismissively, "the Doctor." She'd fished him out of a few fountains herself, back in the day.

"Then we had to run for the TARDIS," Sarah continued. "Or stagger, in his case."

Liz nodded. "We've all been there," she said.

"He used to get me to break into the Brigadier's office," said Jo sadly, "and steal his secret invasion whisky."

"Invasion whisky?" Romana asked.

"A glass at the beginning of every invasion," Liz explained. "Liquid courage, or possibly just the strength he needed to deal with the Doctor."

"And then he'd make really awful cocktails," Jo continued. She was slurring slightly. "The Doctor, I mean, not the Brigadier. I don't think the Brigadier was really a cocktail sort of man."

"In the interests of science, he always said," Liz added.

"Mike Yates, now," Jo said, "he was a cocktail man."

"Among other things," said Sarah. She checked her watch. "Damn."

"What?" Liz asked.

"Luke will be home from school soon." Sarah tried to stand up, with notably limited success. "I try so hard to be a good mother," she said sadly. "But I just can't be arsed."

"Vats," said Romana. "Always worked for us." She thought about telling Sarah about Adric, but that probably wasn't the best example to use. For one thing, Sarah couldn't exactly run off to another dimension, and for another, she seemed quite fond of Luke, in an inebriated sort of way, and leaving him to the mercies of the Doctor's attention span was just asking for trouble.

"No offence," said Liz, "but you're nearly extinct."

Romana shrugged. "I'm working on that."

There was a general murmer of approval. "He *is* rather cute these days," said Sarah. "Nice tight suits. Nice hair."

"Not the Doctor," said Romana. "I wouldn't shag him if he *were* the last Time Lord in the universe." She sat up and poured herself another drink, and when she was sure she had everyone's full attention, she said, "fortunately, he's not. And the Master is downright personable in his current regeneration."

"Oh," said Jo, "I've had him."

"Yes," said Romana darkly. "I know. He sends his regards, by the way."

"Oh, good. It's nice to be remembered."

"Hmmph."

A door slammed downstairs, and Luke called, "Sarah?"

Sarah groaned.

"Just tell him you're in the middle of a top secret UNIT meeting," said Liz, "and then have another drink."

So she did.

The end.