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lizbeeTitle: Advice From Fire Lord Zuko To His Sister On The Raising Of Children (with annotations)
Fandom: Avatar: the Last Airbender
Rating: PG-13
Characters: Azula, Zuko
Pairing(s): Azula/Toph
Warning(s): Name/character spoilers for Korra
Notes: Thanks to Weaves for reading it over and making approving noises.
Summary: "DON'T SET YOUR KIDS ON FIRE. I really can't say that enough."
Advice From Fire Lord Zuko To His Sister On The Raising Of Children (with annotations)
by LizBee
FOREWORD TO THE ANNOTATED EDITION
Very little correspondence between Fire Lord Zuko and his sister, the Lady (formerly Princess) Azula, survives. They rarely communicated by mail, and when they did, it was usually through the intermediary of Fire Lady Mai. Additionally, both were in the habit of burning their mail, either for reasons of state or the desire for privacy.
The Advice From Fire Lord Zuko To His Sister On The Raising Of Children is hence an especially valuable document, being a rare recording of the Fire Lord in his informal interactions, and offering an unusual degree of insight into Azula's state of mind.
The precise date of the letter is unknown, though obviously it can be placed in the months preceding the birth of Lin Bei Fong. Azula's reaction to the letter is not recorded, but her wife, Toph Bei Fong, found it sufficiently amusing that she had a copy sent to her friend Sokka of the Water Tribe. Sokka, too, was entertained by the letter, and took advantage of the new copying technology he was developing at the Northern Air Temple to distribute it further.
Over the next few years, the Advice was subjected to additions, subtractions and misquotations. This annotated edition restores it to its original form, including the crossings-out. We have not, however, attempted to correct the Fire Lord's idiosyncratic characters.
With thanks to Lin Bei Fong for kindly granting access to her family's archives.
Azula,
[Note the lack of honorifics or formal greetings. Such informality seems typical of Zuko's correspondence with his friends.]
I've been thinking about what you said the other week at Ember Island, and remembering how I felt before Zunyan [then-Prince Zunyan was twelve years old at the time] was born. And again when Xin was born [Princess Xin was nine]. I don't pretend to be any kind of expert at this, but I guess I've figured a few things out, such as:
DON'T SET YOUR KIDS ON FIRE
I really can't say that enough.Not that Toph would let you. It's really not good an effective means of discipline good. Your kids are probably going to spend at least part of their lives hating you, but you don't have to give them a reason for it.
Try to have common interests. I guess your child won't be a firebender, but maybe he or she will really enjoymilitary conquest humiliating the weak recreational sociopathy other things? I learnt a lot about mass transportation when Zunyan was going through his train obsession. I guess what I'm saying is, you need more constructive activities than burning down the Earth Kingdom.
You probably don't want to hear this, but Uncle's a really good babysitter. Trust me, you'll appreciate it.
[General Iroh was famously fond of children, especially his great-nieces and nephew.]
On the other hand, he thinks musical instruments make really great gifts. Especially drums, for some reason.
Oh yeah, at some point you and Toph are going to have to sit your kid down and tell him or her about the facts of life. Because if you don't, someone else will.Hopefully not Uncle, because he does it in song and it's strange it just sticks in your head and you'll be singing it for days on the bridge of your ship, for example and then Lieutenant Jee stares at you while you're singing about opening flowers and throbbing and throbbing
[Lieutenant Jee captained then-Prince Zuko's ship in its exile, and later served for several years as captain of the Fire Lord's personal guard before retiring with honour. His reaction to Zuko's musical interlude is not recorded.]
Anyway, at some stage you might find your mother-in-law telling your tiny five-year-old daughter that one day she's going to be sold off to the highest bidder, and her job will be to lie back and think of the Fire Nation.It took the servants ages to get all the knives out of the walls. There's a reason why Mai doesn't talk to her mother that much. Actually, come to think of it, you and Toph can take care of that problem however you see fit. I'll give you an alibi.
What else do I wish I'd known in advance? Make Sokka watch his language, and don't let him sing Water Tribe hunting songs, because they're both catchy and filthy. Likewise Suki and the Kyoshi Warrior training changs. No matter what Ty Lee says, chi blocking is not an appropriate way to let your kids know it's bedtime. Air Nomad bedtime stories can cause nightmares, and whatever you do, don't let Aang babysit because he really does think children can live on fruit pies and fresh air. Still, everyone has kids of their own now, so maybe they'll be less inclined to experiment on yours.
Badgermoles are not babysitters, I don't care what Toph thinks. She wasn't so much raised as dragged up. DON'T READ THAT BIT TO TOPH!
[Anecdotal evidence suggests that Toph derived far more amusement from this than her parents did.]
You do actually have to be there for the birth. I checked with Mai, and she said that's not optional. Even if it means being in a room with Katara for hours. Challenging the leader of the Sun Warriors to single combat can wait.
[As the Sun Warriors have been dead for many centuries, this is a rare recorded example of Fire Lord Zuko's humour. Curiously, it seems to have been a running joke among his friends that Azula would and did issue such a challenge, for similar references appear in correspondence between Sokka and Avatar Aang, and a letter from General Iroh to his niece congratulates her on her "victory". When queried, Lin Bei Fong and Master Tenzin both confirmed it was a rather weak family joke.]
Don't forget to teach your kid to share.I know that will be challenging since you and Toph never learned. He or she's future victims friends will thank you.
Accept your child is going to screw up. Probably on a massive scale, knowing our family. Remember rule one.
I rememberhow much you laughed what you said when I told you that all you really needed to do was love your child, but you've never failed at anything you attempted before, so why would you start now? you've been with Toph for a long time, and I know there's a lot of love between you, even if you mostly show it by actually, I'm still trying to forget that
The fact that you're even worried about turning out like Dad means you'llprobably be okay. You're not the demon person you were fifteen years ago. Toph wouldn't be having a child with you if she didn't trust you, and she's the best judge of character I know. DON'T READ THAT BIT TO HER EITHER!
The other thing no one ever told us was that we wouldn't be alone. You have Mom, Uncle, Toph's parents, all of our friends. And Oma and Shu themselves would come back to life for Toph.
You can handle this. Trust me.
Zuko
Fandom: Avatar: the Last Airbender
Rating: PG-13
Characters: Azula, Zuko
Pairing(s): Azula/Toph
Warning(s): Name/character spoilers for Korra
Notes: Thanks to Weaves for reading it over and making approving noises.
Summary: "DON'T SET YOUR KIDS ON FIRE. I really can't say that enough."
Advice From Fire Lord Zuko To His Sister On The Raising Of Children (with annotations)
by LizBee
FOREWORD TO THE ANNOTATED EDITION
Very little correspondence between Fire Lord Zuko and his sister, the Lady (formerly Princess) Azula, survives. They rarely communicated by mail, and when they did, it was usually through the intermediary of Fire Lady Mai. Additionally, both were in the habit of burning their mail, either for reasons of state or the desire for privacy.
The Advice From Fire Lord Zuko To His Sister On The Raising Of Children is hence an especially valuable document, being a rare recording of the Fire Lord in his informal interactions, and offering an unusual degree of insight into Azula's state of mind.
The precise date of the letter is unknown, though obviously it can be placed in the months preceding the birth of Lin Bei Fong. Azula's reaction to the letter is not recorded, but her wife, Toph Bei Fong, found it sufficiently amusing that she had a copy sent to her friend Sokka of the Water Tribe. Sokka, too, was entertained by the letter, and took advantage of the new copying technology he was developing at the Northern Air Temple to distribute it further.
Over the next few years, the Advice was subjected to additions, subtractions and misquotations. This annotated edition restores it to its original form, including the crossings-out. We have not, however, attempted to correct the Fire Lord's idiosyncratic characters.
With thanks to Lin Bei Fong for kindly granting access to her family's archives.
Azula,
[Note the lack of honorifics or formal greetings. Such informality seems typical of Zuko's correspondence with his friends.]
I've been thinking about what you said the other week at Ember Island, and remembering how I felt before Zunyan [then-Prince Zunyan was twelve years old at the time] was born. And again when Xin was born [Princess Xin was nine]. I don't pretend to be any kind of expert at this, but I guess I've figured a few things out, such as:
DON'T SET YOUR KIDS ON FIRE
I really can't say that enough.
Try to have common interests. I guess your child won't be a firebender, but maybe he or she will really enjoy
You probably don't want to hear this, but Uncle's a really good babysitter. Trust me, you'll appreciate it.
[General Iroh was famously fond of children, especially his great-nieces and nephew.]
On the other hand, he thinks musical instruments make really great gifts. Especially drums, for some reason.
Oh yeah, at some point you and Toph are going to have to sit your kid down and tell him or her about the facts of life. Because if you don't, someone else will.
[Lieutenant Jee captained then-Prince Zuko's ship in its exile, and later served for several years as captain of the Fire Lord's personal guard before retiring with honour. His reaction to Zuko's musical interlude is not recorded.]
Anyway, at some stage you might find your mother-in-law telling your tiny five-year-old daughter that one day she's going to be sold off to the highest bidder, and her job will be to lie back and think of the Fire Nation.
What else do I wish I'd known in advance? Make Sokka watch his language, and don't let him sing Water Tribe hunting songs, because they're both catchy and filthy. Likewise Suki and the Kyoshi Warrior training changs. No matter what Ty Lee says, chi blocking is not an appropriate way to let your kids know it's bedtime. Air Nomad bedtime stories can cause nightmares, and whatever you do, don't let Aang babysit because he really does think children can live on fruit pies and fresh air. Still, everyone has kids of their own now, so maybe they'll be less inclined to experiment on yours.
[Anecdotal evidence suggests that Toph derived far more amusement from this than her parents did.]
You do actually have to be there for the birth. I checked with Mai, and she said that's not optional. Even if it means being in a room with Katara for hours. Challenging the leader of the Sun Warriors to single combat can wait.
[As the Sun Warriors have been dead for many centuries, this is a rare recorded example of Fire Lord Zuko's humour. Curiously, it seems to have been a running joke among his friends that Azula would and did issue such a challenge, for similar references appear in correspondence between Sokka and Avatar Aang, and a letter from General Iroh to his niece congratulates her on her "victory". When queried, Lin Bei Fong and Master Tenzin both confirmed it was a rather weak family joke.]
Don't forget to teach your kid to share.
Accept your child is going to screw up. Probably on a massive scale, knowing our family. Remember rule one.
I remember
The fact that you're even worried about turning out like Dad means you'll
The other thing no one ever told us was that we wouldn't be alone. You have Mom, Uncle, Toph's parents, all of our friends. And Oma and Shu themselves would come back to life for Toph.
You can handle this. Trust me.
Zuko
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no subject
Date: 2012-03-11 12:30 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-03-11 12:38 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-03-11 12:49 am (UTC)BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA *dying*
Okay, I was dying throughout the ENTIRE THING. This is AMAZING.
no subject
Date: 2012-03-11 02:42 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-03-11 05:16 am (UTC)Too perfect. <3
no subject
Date: 2012-03-11 06:50 am (UTC)IN EVERY WAY.
IT IS ASTONISHINGLY PERFECT.
*FANGIRLS*
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Date: 2012-03-11 08:12 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-03-11 01:44 pm (UTC)and then Lieutenant Jee stares at you while you're singing about opening flowers and throbbing and throbbingand
I know there's a lot of love between you, even if you mostly show it by
actually, I'm still trying to forget thatjust about killed me. Hilarious fic.
no subject
Date: 2012-03-11 04:17 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-03-11 11:31 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-03-12 12:00 am (UTC)Hopefully not Uncle, because he does it in song and it's strange it just sticks in your head and you'll be singing it for days on the bridge of your ship, for example and then Lieutenant Jee stares at you while you're singing about opening flowers and throbbing and throbbing<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3
This was awesome.
no subject
Date: 2012-03-12 01:03 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-03-12 06:57 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-03-14 03:40 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-03-22 09:43 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-03-27 04:47 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-03-27 08:06 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-03-28 06:14 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-08-20 12:11 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-08-20 01:35 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-08-20 04:38 pm (UTC)I know there's a lot of love between you, even if you mostly show it by
actually, I'm still trying to forget thatAhahahaha. Hilarious and fantastic fic.
no subject
Date: 2014-08-21 07:41 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-11-08 03:17 pm (UTC)really made me smile
thanks for making and sharing this