Sarcasm is an adjusted stress reaction.

Last night on Tumblr I told a grown woman that David Bowie was once targeted by Soviet assassins because of his cameo in the adopted-by-dissidents film Into the Night, and that the reason for his drapey linen suit at the was to conceal the body armor. She accepted all of this completely and utterly without question.

An entire future of straight-faced lying has opened before me, a rainbow path of bullshit that I must now follow.