A whinge and a fic.

So I'm technically the bakery's cake decorator, and my first priority every morning should be ensuring that the cream and cake products are out on the shelves.  But I'm also doing the job of three bread wenches, so cakes generally don't happen until early afternoon.  The store manager wanted them sooner than that today, but I was overdue for a break, and really wanted my lunch.  Incompetent!Manager volunteered to do cakes.  Despite my misgivings, I left him with detailed written instructions and a vague sense of impending disaster.  This was, after all, the man who turned my fondant icing into toffee -- twice.

I returned an hour later, to find cream ... everywhere.  Mixed in with the sesame seeds.  In the fondant icing.  On the bread.  On the bread tags.  In the drawer. 

Incompetent!Manager gave me an uneasy look and muttered, "I'm off for smoko ... back in twenty."

Cue cleaning.  Lots of cleaning.  There was jam all over the jam bag, which once seemed as likely as being able to wipe one's nose with one's elbow.  But considering some of the other things going on with that jam bag, I shouldn't be surprised.

Bakery of DOOOOOM!!!

I was first inclined to be angry.  Homicidal, even.  But somewhere between scraping up the dried donut crust, and finding that the vanilla essence has left a permanent stain on my hand, my sense of humour intervened.

And fic happened.



Recipe for Disaster
by Teh Lizbee

Summary: This bears no resemblance to canon at all, but there are characters named Potter, Snape and Lovegood.  Among others.  Along with pies, cakes, bread and a vague squid reference.  Owes a massive debt to junediamanti's "Hogwarts School of Cleverness and Culture", because ... well, you'll see.

Beta'd by lydaclunas, who has actually outdone herself with the innuendo this time.

( Cut, with reluctance because I really do think I want people to read this. )