FIC: "How It Works: 5 things that never happened to Suzie Costello"

Fandom: Torchwood/Doctor Who
Rated: PG-13; some language, about as strong as Torchwood itself?
Notes: Spoilers for "Aliens of London", "Parting of the Ways", "Doomsday" & "Everything Changes". Featuring an assortment of Time Lords. Well, two. (Guess who. No, really.) Lyrics stolen from PJ Harvey for added wankiness.

( I know, I know, less than a week and I'm writing fic, because I'm LAME )