FIC: 7 Words and a Metaphor ("Doctor Who", Eight 'n' Romana II, PG-13)

[lizbee]

Summary: "You know," said the Doctor, "I could bring your government down with a single word."
Warnings: A distinct heteroerotic subtext.
Spoilers 'n' stuff: Allusions to TCI. Post-TVM, pre-Time War, takes the Romana-as-President fanon and runs with it while igoring every other bit of non-televised narrative. Beta'd by synaesthete7 and cesario.
Obligatory disclaimer: Characters, setting and other nonsense are the property of the BBC. If I actually owned them, I wouldn't be sitting on an old futon, writing fic and wearing mismatched socks. Which is to say, no profit derived here, yo.




Seven Words and a Metaphor
by LizBee





"You know," said the Doctor thoughtfully, "I could bring down your government with a single word."

"Really?" Romana showed no surprise at his presence. "One word?"

He emerged from the shadow of a pillar into the dark courtyard, one of the few places in the Capitol where the ravages of time could be seen. It was probably symbolic. Few people ever ventured this way, and the Chancellery guard waiting outside the entrance gates had looked distinctly uneasy.

"Well, no," he admitted, "seven, actually." He sat down beside her on the worn bench. At her feet, neatly folded, sat the elaborate outer robes of the president's ceremonial costume.

"Ah," she said, "seven."

He counted them out on his fingers: "'The Doctor taught her everything she knows.' Seven."

"Is that all?" She gave him a sidelong glance. It was, he decided, probably amused. Almost certainly amused.

"'Is that all?'" he demanded "I thought it was a very clever bit of revolution-fomenting."

"It has a certain simple appeal," she conceded.

"Safe, too. Drop it in a few carefully chosen ears, wait for the rumour to spread, watch the government collapse. It's very efficient. For example, I'm about to leave, but if I dropped a few words into the ear of every Time Lord I encountered on my way to the TARDIS, you could be out of a job within two years."

"If you say so."

"I do! It's almost foolproof."

She looked unconvinced. "Isn't it a bit slow? I thought proper revolutions were over rather quickly. The traditional kind, anyway."

The Doctor gestured in such a way as to imply that one could possibly have too much of a good thing.

"If I didn't know better," she added, "I'd have thought the new approach was a sign of relative maturity. You're on your eighth life, it's not completely implausible. Of course, I do know better."

"I'm beginning to think you're going to be one of those disgustingly smug presidents."

"Really?" She sounded unmoved. "Anyway, it's hardly a new thought. I can't breathe without someone on the High Council complaining that it's a bad habit I probably picked up from you. Anyway," she leaned back against a pillar that was both ancient and ageless, "why do you want to topple my government? I'm rather pleased with it myself."

"It's a very nice government," he assured her. "Hardly corrupt at all, and quite innovative by Gallifreyan standards."

"That's a very one-hearted comment."

"That's funny, because I was about to say that Time Lords don't usually believe in half-measures. It's finding a middle ground between complete stagnation and universal domination that causes all the problems. Being president is like," he searched for an appropriately Gallifreyan metaphor, failed, and settled for the next best thing, "teaching a Dalek to make a proper cup of tea. Absurd, pointless and almost certain to end in tears."

"I don't see why you're such an expert on the presidency. You," Romana said with a fleeting smile, "ran away."

"I came back."

"Eventually."

"It was the only sensible option, under the circumstances. I thought you'd have seen it for yourself by now. You'd be much happier somewhere else."

"Mm. Somewhere with you?"

He brushed a non-existent bit of fluff from his sleeve. "Our paths might cross now and then."

"They can't cross now and then when you visit Gallifrey?"

"I try not to do that too often."

"I hadn't noticed."

"Sarcasm, Romana, is an adjusted stress reaction. As for Gallifrey, the food is awful and there's no nightlife to speak of. And don't get me started on the climate."

"But, Doctor, it's controlled."

"Exactly. Don't you ever wish for a nice blizzard to liven things up?"

Romana looked up. The stars over Gallifrey, distorted by the dome and the transduction barriers around the planet, were bright and unchanging in the night sky.

"You could stay. And change Gallifrey."

He gave her a wary look. "You're not going to offer me a place on a committee, are you? I'm not very good at committees."

"No. I've noticed. But you could open a nightclub."

He laughed. "Certainly," he said, "and when you're impeached you can come and work for me."

"What a kind offer. It would make a radical change from the traditional presidential retirement."

"'Retirement'. You're only on your second incarnation. I don't know what they were thinking, appointing you."

"That I'd be easily manipulated, I think."

"Charming. Why did you take it?"

"I suppose..." she pushed a strand of hair out of her face, and in the semi-darkness he thought she might be embarrassed. "I suppose I've seen so many stagnant and decaying societies in my travels, and when I finally returned to Gallifrey, the parallel came as a nasty shock. I started to think I had experience that might be useful in effecting change." She wrinkled her nose. "I didn't actually expect to end up in the presidency. Suddenly I'm caught up in a million kinds of bureaucracy. Any real reform will take time."

"Most things do, here. It's a waste if you ask me."

"Of time?"

"Of you."

Romana gave him a cool look, but he kept going.

"All that energy you're putting in, all for little revolutions and small changes. All this – compromise!"

She raised her eyebrows.

"I just think I taught you better."

"Would you like to dance?"

"I beg your pardon? I was launching into a tirade."

Romana stood up and held out her hand.

"Dance," she said. "With me."

Unable to find an answer he said, "There's no music."

"You can't be much of a Time Lord if you can't keep a beat."

"…True."

"Dance with me? Please?"

He allowed himself to be pulled to his feet.

"The problem," said Romana, arranging one of his hands on her waist and taking the other, "is that if Gallifrey changed, you might find yourself with nothing to rebel against."

"That's not it at all—"

"It's a compensation syndrome," she added. "I've been saying it for years."

"Well, now, it's there that you're completely wrong."

"Admit it; you're enjoying the status quo."

"You're teasing me."

"Am I really?"

"You're also leading."

"Well, someone has to."

"I meant in the sense of dancing."

"So did I."

"You've hijacked me into a metaphor!"

"No," said Romana patiently, "you're just not a very good dancer."

"And it's pretty average, you know, for a metaphor. I'd almost go so far as to call it embarrassing."

Romana paused and allowed him to take the lead. He managed to avoid crushing the presidential toes. He was quite pleased with that.

"If I ever need a literary critic," she said, "you'll be the first person I call."

"I suppose it won't be the worst job Gallifrey has foisted upon me." She raised her eyebrows. "Not that I think of you as just a representative of Gallifrey, of course," he added quickly, "or as the embodiment of the legacy of Rassilon, or anything else like that. It's just that – Borusa never danced with me."

"Really? What a terrible missed opportunity."

"Neither did Flavia. Nor any other high Gallifreyan officials."

"I'm sure they would have, if you'd asked nicely." Romana kissed his cheek. "I like to be a bit different. Stops people from getting complacent."

"Very thoughtful of you, really."

"I also like to dance, and I don't meet many good partners here." She paused and added, "no metaphors, by the way."

"I wouldn't dream of being metaphorical."

"No? You do spend a lot of time with humans."

"They're very underrated as a species."

"Ah." Romana looked up absently. "You know, I can reduce your seven words down to six."

"Really? How?"

She whispered it in his ear.

"That's rather clever!"

"I'm glad you like it."

"Versatile, too."

"I thought so. And, when I do get tired—"

"Or turn into a megalomaniacal despot—"

"—Then you can come back, do your work—"

"—And imprison you beyond the reach of time and space!"

"—And we can go away in the TARDIS and it will be just like the old days."

"That does sound nice," he admitted.

"Only nice?"

"Better than nice."

"Good." She looked wistful. "Do you have to leave right away, Doctor?"

"I'm surprised you're not trying to get rid of me."

"Oh well," Romana shrugged, "I quite like having you around. You keep people on their toes."

"I am sorry about the incident with—"

"Don't mention it." Romana released him and stepped back. "Can I at least walk you back to your TARDIS?"

He offered her his arm; she squeezed it and reached down to take his hand instead. As they left the courtyard, he was gratified to see a scandalised expression on the face of the Chancellery guard.

"Please try to avoid breaking the laws of time any more than you have to," said Romana as they approached the TARDIS. "People seem to think I'm somehow responsible for you."

"I'll do my best."

"And don't get into any silly scrapes."

"By whose definition of 'silly'?"

"And – oh, stay safe, Doctor?"

She kissed his cheek again, paused for a second, and hugged him. Caught in a sudden onslaught of presidential affection, the Doctor did the only thing possible, and hugged her back.

Romana let go of him, straightened her robes and, with the utmost dignity said, "Very well, Doctor. You may leave."

The Doctor pushed a stray bit of hair out of his eyes. "Thank you, Lady President."

As he was closing the door, she said, "Oh, and Doctor?"

He paused.

"Have fun."

He returned her grin and closed the door, and dematerialised before he could change his mind and stay.



end

Comments

[ladyrazorsharp.livejournal.com]

I will admit that I know only the barest amount of what you're talking about, but I found myself chuckling at this part:

"Would you like to dance?"

"I beg your pardon? I was launching into a tirade."

^_^

It really was very sweet.

[deralte.livejournal.com]

Delightful dialogue:)

[lizbee.livejournal.com]

Thanks!

[kerravonsen]

"That's a very one-hearted comment."

Oooh, Gallifreyan idiom!

"I beg your pardon? I was launching into a tirade."

Hmmm, that doesn't sound like Eight to me, it sounds like Nine. It's fun anyway, but my visualisation got rather confused.

[lizbee.livejournal.com]

Oooh, Gallifreyan idiom!

For which we may thank synaesthete7.

Hmmm, that doesn't sound like Eight to me, it sounds like Nine. It's fun anyway, but my visualisation got rather confused.

Damn. Is that a serious problem? First time writing in a new fandom; I'm a little bit worried.

[kerravonsen]

Well, it can be kind of hard to get Eight voice, seeing as he's only had one televised adventure. But he seems more smiley and less ranty to me than Nine. And more impulsive and enthusiasic -- he'd be just as likely (or more likely) to ask Romana to dance, or to count snowflakes from a rooftop (or to drop snowballs from the parapet). He struck me as kind of more in touch with his Inner Child than the other incarnations. When he wasn't angsting, of course. 8-)

[lizbee.livejournal.com]

Huh. I know him best from the audios, where he is more serious and angstful and occasionally given to highly poetic rants. Damn.

[kerravonsen]

Well, yes, he is... but I'd put more emphasis on the "poetic" rather than the "rant". Maybe it was simply the word "tirade" which kicked me over into Nine-mode...

[budclare.livejournal.com]

I just assumed that he was smiling when he said it.

[infiniteviking]

Niiiiiice! Very strong Romana voice, and the Doctor's so sweet. And I'm snickering at the Dalek metaphor. Too bad Romana knows him too well to ask him to stay.

And that hand-in-hand thing? One would almost think she wanted to scandalize the guard, and any other Time Lord she happened to run across. *g*

Doctor/Romana. The OTP that transcends time itself. XD

But what were the six words -- and the one the Doctor started with? Am I really dense, or are we not supposed to know?

[infiniteviking]

Oops! This is the icon I meant to use. Good old Eighth Doctor.

[kerravonsen]

But what were the six words -- and the one the Doctor started with? Am I really dense, or are we not supposed to know?

I don't think there was ever "one word" -- he was being rhetorical.
As for the six words, no, you're not really dense.

[lizbee.livejournal.com]

Niiiiiice! Very strong Romana voice, and the Doctor's so sweet. And I'm snickering at the Dalek metaphor. Too bad Romana knows him too well to ask him to stay.

Thanks! You can thank synaesthete7 for the Dalek metaphor; she objected to herding cats, or any other mammal.

And that hand-in-hand thing? One would almost think she wanted to scandalize the guard, and any other Time Lord she happened to run across. *g*

One might think that, yes. *eyedart*

Doctor/Romana. The OTP that transcends time itself. XD

theirloveissovirtuallyimmortal

But what were the six words -- and the one the Doctor started with? Am I really dense, or are we not supposed to know?

*grin* That's the "Christmas Invasion" allusion.

[infiniteviking]

*blinks*

*thinks about it*

*facepalm*

Puts a new spin on the 'what did he say' scene, that's for sure!

[kizmet-42.livejournal.com]

I kept switching Doctor voices in this. Some were 4, some were 5, one was definitely a 3.

All in all, I thought you did marvelously.

[lizbee.livejournal.com]

Is the voice switching a problem? I find that it often happens when I'm reading Who fic, but some of the Doctors have particularly distinctive voices, and this is new ground for me.

[kizmet-42.livejournal.com]

Not at all. It's kinda fun, really.

All the Doctors are the same...er... entity and even when the changes between incarnations are extraordinary (from Pertwee to Baker) there's a continuity that pops out sometimes, and you'll hear Peter Davison say something that Jon Pertwee would have said and it's... well, fun. I thought you had mastered it in this little ficlet, which only whets my taste for more Lizfic.

[purple-smurf.livejournal.com]

Oh, I liked this. The only way Romana could possibly be President -- with all necessary text included *nods* Plus, dancing! The Doctor and Dancing can never be seen in any non-subtexty way again.

[lizbee.livejournal.com]

I think that RTD has destroyed any possibility of Gallifreyan dancing being taken seriously EVER. Bless him.

Anyway, I'm glad you liked it, for I worry when I dip toes into new fandoms.

[madderbrad.livejournal.com]

Very enjoyable, my first ever Dr. Who fan fiction story! Not counting the clever drabble you wrote around the release of HBP.

Loved the 'one-hearted' comment, and being hijacked into a metaphor. Clever stuff.

[anglepoiselamp.livejournal.com]

Eeeeeeeeee. Eight-fic! I am absolutely incoherent with joy. Makes me feel like a five-year old at Christmas. ♥♥♥

And that said, the fic is remarkably clever and funny to boot! It made me laugh out loud several times. But it isn't completely light-hearted - I do detect a tinge of sadness at the Doctor's perennial leave-takings, among other things. :]

[lizbee.livejournal.com]

Thanks! I'm glad you liked it, and yes, there was a touch of sadness. Although I managed to resist the temptation to load the whole thing up with LOTS AND LOTS of Time War allusions, which would have been a bit out of place. *grin*

[budclare.livejournal.com]

Adorable and shiny. :)

[lizbee.livejournal.com]

Thanks! I'm really pleased you liked it.

[fahrbotdrusilla]

I loved this :)

[melata-fic.livejournal.com]

Excellent Romana voice. *beams*

Though I kept wanting the Doctor to be Nine. :)

Though, I did spot one typo. "I'd have thought the new approach was a sign relative maturity." - Is there a word missing?

Overall, I loved it. Particularly Romana influencing the Doctor, and the other dancing metaphor, and all the little bits that add to it being so very good. :)

[iristigerlily.livejournal.com]

I like how he got that phrase form Romana :D

And yay for Eight/Romana fic! There's not enough out there.

[cryptile.livejournal.com]

This is wonderful. Romana's more than the Doctor's equal, and gently proves it here; your voices are excellent. Sweet but not treacly, and I definitely laughed more than a few times, especially when metaphors got hijacked.

[jalendavi-lady.livejournal.com]

That was nice.

Now I really do have to see more of the Romana episodes than the short clips on the bbc site...

[lyssie.livejournal.com]

*sighs happily*

I'm not sure I can put into words just how much I adored this fic. This is... This is the Doctor and Romana and politics and DANCING and, and... They've both seen too much and not enough, and she's stuck and he's stuck and he says he'll come back.

Did I mention the incoherence?

This is very lovely, and now I must go make other people read it. Yes.

[doyle_sb4.livejournal.com]

Oh, this is brilliant - it's just so elegant, somehow, especially when they're dancing, and that fits the two of them perfectly. Love this.

[ancarett]

Really just perfect. I have such a soft spot for Romana with the Doctor and this filled my hopes perfectly -- even better than I could imagine!

[zauberer-sirin.livejournal.com]

lovely. Eight deserves as brilliant fic as he can get. i have such a crush on him and you do him gorgeously. and your Romana is perfect.

i totally envy your gift for dialogue.

"I thought so. And, when I do get tired—"

"Or turn into a megalomaniacal despot—"

"—Then you can come back, do your work—"

"—And imprison you beyond the reach of time and space!"

"—And we can go away in the TARDIS and it will be just like the old days."

"That does sound nice," he admitted.

this fic makes me very, very happy.

[livii.livejournal.com]

Can I be later? I could try. ;)

Anyway, this is a lovely, lovely little piece - the dialogue sparkles and you really get a sense of Eight being himself, yet all of his other incarnations as well. And it gives a great meaning to Romana's decision to take on the presidency, and it's sweet and funny too. Love this one.

[lizbee.livejournal.com]

Don't worry about being late; I'm kind of crap at replying to feedback. But I'm glad you like it -- especialy Eight, because I kind of wrote it before I saw the TV movie, and thus mostly ... guessed.

[alto2.livejournal.com]

This is so perfect, and I'm so glad I stumbled on it via your meme! I just love them both :) I hope you've written more Eight since this one--there's a sad lack of good Eightfic out there.

[maymargaret.livejournal.com]

That was lovely, so glad I stumbled on it. Your diologue is beautiful and yes, Romana would lead.

[gjegjebje.livejournal.com]

This dialogue was flying, not flowing. Funny, sad, complex. (I lost track somewhere in the talking about dancing and metaphors but the sentences were so amusing by themselves that I didn´t care.)

[azriona.livejournal.com]

Hi! I found this story through the nominations at the Children of Time () awards. Congratulations on your nomination - and it was very well deserved indeed. I haven't see a lot of Romana in either fic or episodes, but I loved this and feel as though I know her very well, just based on her interaction with the Doctor. I especially loved the foreshadowing you've done, with the destruction of a presidency in a few words, and what the Doctor would do if Gallifrey no longer existed.

I'm going to include this story on my next installment of the Nominee Round-up on my LJ - it'll probably go up tonight or tomorrow morning. Thanks again, and good luck with the awards!

[lizbee.livejournal.com]

Thanks! I appreciate your comments a lot.

[tardis-stowaway.livejournal.com]

I'm here after reading the review on azriona's LJ. This is a splendid story, full of echoes of the past and future. The characters' voices are perfect. They have a sense of playfulness even as they have a serious conversation.

I want to visit a nightclub run by the Doctor and Romana!