TIME MOPPET FIC!
Jun. 12th, 2006 10:56 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lizbeeIt'sssss my birthday, so I'm going to use the general goodwill floating around me today as an excuse to post the first chapter of the worst fic ever.
Cheer Up, Emo Time Moppet
Chapter 1: The Electronic Babysitter
Summary: The secret alien lovechild of the Doctor and Romana learns some hard facts about life. A domestic epic intwo four and a half parts.
Disclaimer: Characters are either the property of the BBC, or so Suetastic and one-dimensional that even the BBC wouldn't touch them, except maybe to distract people from Adric.
Notes: The primary purpose of this fic is to oppress Doctor/Rose shippers everywhere.
Cheer Up, Emo Time Moppet
Chapter One: The Electronic Babysitter
Livia threw herself onto her bed and said, “It's not fair, K9.”
“Fairness,” said K9, “is irrelevant.”
“You would say that.” She aimed a pillow at him. It missed, and she rolled over onto her stomach to contemplate the rumpled bedclothes and compile a mental list of Things That Were Unfair.
One. Her mother, the very embodiment of unfairness. Livia was fifteen years old, nearly, and Mother still treated her like an infant, or at least the less entertaining kind of toddler. Leaving her here while she went off to be entertained by alien aristocrats.
Two, K9. Who was all right for lessons, and quite handy when you were trapped in a temporal instability field and facing certain death – that had been a month ago, and he was still preening – but she was too old for a babysitter, even one in the form of a robot dog.
...But perhaps K9 wasn't the one to blame for that. Given a choice, Livia knew perfectly well that he'd rather be accompanying her mother than sitting around the TARDIS revising advanced mathematics.
And that was another thing, the TARDIS. If Romana were a proper Time Lady, she'd have a proper TARDIS, not this funny old thing that combined the technology of eighteen different races. Sure, it looked all right on the surface, but Livia could tell.
And yet everyone always said it was her imagination. Well, her mother, anyway.
It just wasn't fair.
And it was time to do something about that.
Livia stood up.
“K9,” she said, “I'm going out.”
“Mistress Romana said--”
“I know, K9.” She pushed an errant curl out of her eyes. “Don't worry. I'll be back before anyone knows I'm gone.”
“That statement is illogical--”
Livia left the room before he could finish speaking, and was closing the TARDIS door behind her as he entered the console room.
For a moment, she didn't know what to do.
Of course she'd been on alien planets before, but never alone. Never with a few hours of unsupervised freedom ahead of her, provided that she could avoid her mother and K9.
She turned back to mark the location of the TARDIS – it looked like any other tapestry hanging on the walls, but the design was worked in bright purple instead of dull green – and then made her escape up a flight of stairs too narrow to accommodate K9.
She laughed to herself as she ran.
The staircase ended in a wide, attractive room, still bathed in the light of the planet's second sun. It was warm and still, and Livia could think of nothing more perfect.
“Lovely, isn't it?” said a voice behind her.
She jumped and turned, and the newcomer laughed. Behind him, the wall had vanished, replaced by a wide, ornate staircase.
“I'm sorry,” he said. “When I saw you there, I couldn't resist.” He straightened his elaborately embroidered coat and smoothed his hair. Livia observed that, despite his rich attire, he looked slightly disordered, as if he had just been exerting himself. A minor noble, then. The important ones made a point of doing as little as possible. Her mother had insisted she study the sociological structure of this planet, even though she wasn't supposed to meet any of the natives. At the time, this had seemed desperately unfair. Now it seemed useful.
Livia smiled. “It's all right,” she said. “I thought everyone would be down at the feast.”
“Yes.” His smile was, she thought, slightly forced. “The feast. It – broke up.”
“Oh.”
“But never mind that.” He strode over to the window and looked down at the city. “I don't believe we've met. I'm Hallas.” He executed a neat bow. No one had ever bowed to her before.
“Hallas,” she said, distracted. “But that's a title, not a name.”
He looked puzzled. “Most people,” he said, “recognise me from the coinage.”
“Well,” she realised she was twisting a curl of hair nervously around her finger, “I only arrived here a few days ago. I haven't had a chance to explore.”
“Ah.” He circled her, sounding both puzzled and pleased, “you must be with the Lady Romana.”
Hah, she thought, it's Lady Romana this time.
“She's my mother.”
“Really.” Now he sounded delighted. Well, people did like her mother. It was mortifying and useful in equal measures. “I had no idea. What a miracle you are.”
“My mother,” Livia said with what she hoped was a weary smile, “says I'm the product of a series of random and unpredictable factors that would be impossible to reproduce in a controlled environment. I suppose that's her way of saying I'm a miracle.”
“And your father? Is he lurking about somewhere?”
She laughed. “He's off in another universe. It's just the two of us. And K9.” At his puzzled look she added, “that's our dog.”
“How lovely. Just the two of you.”
There were footsteps coming up the wider staircase, and Romana appeared. Her face fell when she saw Livia.
Livia opened her mouth to offer a long and convincing explanation of her presence, but she was hindered by the sudden grip of a hand around her neck, and the cold barrel of a weapon pressed against her head.
“Lady Romana,” said Hallas, “may I suggest you tell your rebels to stand down?”
“Oh, they're not my rebels. They were planning this long before I arrived on this planet.”
“But they would never have dared to act without your interference?”
“Maybe not. Will you shoot my daughter if I don't do as you say?”
In response, Hallas tightened his grip around Livia's throat.
“Oh dear,” said Romana, not sounding especially perturbed. “I expect that would make me unhappy.”
In the distance, Livia could hear shouts and the clash and buzz of weapons. And something else, too, like someone cutting through stone with a laser.
“Why don't we discuss this?” Romana offered Hallas a wide smile. “It's not too late to talk things over like adults. What could you offer the rebels, to prevent them from destroying your government?”
“Quick executions. They're slaves, nothing more.”
“Oh dear. That's not the right kind of spirit at all.” The sound of the laser was growing closer. “Let's try some lateral thinking. If you don't negotiate with the rebels, you will lose your position, and your chancellor will take your place.”
“That soft fool.”
“I found him quite sensible. Did you know, he studied with--” Romana broke off, looking past Hallas, and said, “now, K9!”
“Switching to stun setting.”
Hallas crumpled into a heap at Livia's feet. The sudden lack of pressure on her neck was enough to make her dizzy, but she had no time to enjoy the sensation before a strong hand closed over her shoulder, and her mother hurried her down the stairs.
“Quickly, before Hallas's guard find us--”
“Ow! You're hurting me--”
“Your timing could have been better, K9.”
“Density of stone was greater than estimated, Mistress.”
“Mother--”
“I'll speak to you in the TARDIS. Mind that molten stone--”
In the TARDIS, Livia was ignored entirely as her mother threw switches and activated the dematerialisation sequence. A good few minutes passed before Romana turned around with a sigh and said, “What am I to do with you, Livia?”
“Well,” she said thoughtfully, “you're probably angry that I disobeyed you, but so glad that I'm all right that you're not going to punish me?”
“Am I?”
“If it wasn't for your silly rules, I wouldn't have sneaked out at all!”
“So ... if I changed the rules, you could do exactly the same thing but without fear of punishment?”
Put that way, it didn't sound precisely as Livia had imagined.
“And if you think I should let you wander about while a slave revolt is being planned, you're quite wrong.”
“How was I to know there was a slave revolt?” snapped Livia.
“I spent two weeks living in the slave quarters! Did you imagine I was doing it for fun?”
Livia found that she didn't have an answer to this, mostly because it hadn't crossed her mind to wonder why her mother had been gone for that time. She'd spent the two weeks listening to loud music (ignoring K9's protests) and trying on her mother's clothes.
“Livia,” said Romana, “I'm afraid there's just no way I can even consider giving you free rein to do as you please until you can demonstrate more maturity than you have today. Maybe in fifty years...”
“Fifty years!”
“You can't just go blundering around alien life forms without the slightest bit of education--”
“Education! You just want to lock me up in the TARDIS with K9!” Livia crossed her arms defiantly. “Well, you can't do it. I'm going into my room, and I'm never coming out, and I'm never speaking to you again, so long as I live. So there.”
As she left, she heard her mother say, “Don't worry, K9. She'll get bored before two hundred years have passed.”
Which was completely unfair, Livia thought, and she slammed her door particularly hard to say so.
To be continued...
Cheer Up, Emo Time Moppet
Chapter 1: The Electronic Babysitter
Summary: The secret alien lovechild of the Doctor and Romana learns some hard facts about life. A domestic epic in
Disclaimer: Characters are either the property of the BBC, or so Suetastic and one-dimensional that even the BBC wouldn't touch them, except maybe to distract people from Adric.
Notes: The primary purpose of this fic is to oppress Doctor/Rose shippers everywhere.
Chapter One: The Electronic Babysitter
Livia threw herself onto her bed and said, “It's not fair, K9.”
“Fairness,” said K9, “is irrelevant.”
“You would say that.” She aimed a pillow at him. It missed, and she rolled over onto her stomach to contemplate the rumpled bedclothes and compile a mental list of Things That Were Unfair.
One. Her mother, the very embodiment of unfairness. Livia was fifteen years old, nearly, and Mother still treated her like an infant, or at least the less entertaining kind of toddler. Leaving her here while she went off to be entertained by alien aristocrats.
Two, K9. Who was all right for lessons, and quite handy when you were trapped in a temporal instability field and facing certain death – that had been a month ago, and he was still preening – but she was too old for a babysitter, even one in the form of a robot dog.
...But perhaps K9 wasn't the one to blame for that. Given a choice, Livia knew perfectly well that he'd rather be accompanying her mother than sitting around the TARDIS revising advanced mathematics.
And that was another thing, the TARDIS. If Romana were a proper Time Lady, she'd have a proper TARDIS, not this funny old thing that combined the technology of eighteen different races. Sure, it looked all right on the surface, but Livia could tell.
And yet everyone always said it was her imagination. Well, her mother, anyway.
It just wasn't fair.
And it was time to do something about that.
Livia stood up.
“K9,” she said, “I'm going out.”
“Mistress Romana said--”
“I know, K9.” She pushed an errant curl out of her eyes. “Don't worry. I'll be back before anyone knows I'm gone.”
“That statement is illogical--”
Livia left the room before he could finish speaking, and was closing the TARDIS door behind her as he entered the console room.
For a moment, she didn't know what to do.
Of course she'd been on alien planets before, but never alone. Never with a few hours of unsupervised freedom ahead of her, provided that she could avoid her mother and K9.
She turned back to mark the location of the TARDIS – it looked like any other tapestry hanging on the walls, but the design was worked in bright purple instead of dull green – and then made her escape up a flight of stairs too narrow to accommodate K9.
She laughed to herself as she ran.
The staircase ended in a wide, attractive room, still bathed in the light of the planet's second sun. It was warm and still, and Livia could think of nothing more perfect.
“Lovely, isn't it?” said a voice behind her.
She jumped and turned, and the newcomer laughed. Behind him, the wall had vanished, replaced by a wide, ornate staircase.
“I'm sorry,” he said. “When I saw you there, I couldn't resist.” He straightened his elaborately embroidered coat and smoothed his hair. Livia observed that, despite his rich attire, he looked slightly disordered, as if he had just been exerting himself. A minor noble, then. The important ones made a point of doing as little as possible. Her mother had insisted she study the sociological structure of this planet, even though she wasn't supposed to meet any of the natives. At the time, this had seemed desperately unfair. Now it seemed useful.
Livia smiled. “It's all right,” she said. “I thought everyone would be down at the feast.”
“Yes.” His smile was, she thought, slightly forced. “The feast. It – broke up.”
“Oh.”
“But never mind that.” He strode over to the window and looked down at the city. “I don't believe we've met. I'm Hallas.” He executed a neat bow. No one had ever bowed to her before.
“Hallas,” she said, distracted. “But that's a title, not a name.”
He looked puzzled. “Most people,” he said, “recognise me from the coinage.”
“Well,” she realised she was twisting a curl of hair nervously around her finger, “I only arrived here a few days ago. I haven't had a chance to explore.”
“Ah.” He circled her, sounding both puzzled and pleased, “you must be with the Lady Romana.”
Hah, she thought, it's Lady Romana this time.
“She's my mother.”
“Really.” Now he sounded delighted. Well, people did like her mother. It was mortifying and useful in equal measures. “I had no idea. What a miracle you are.”
“My mother,” Livia said with what she hoped was a weary smile, “says I'm the product of a series of random and unpredictable factors that would be impossible to reproduce in a controlled environment. I suppose that's her way of saying I'm a miracle.”
“And your father? Is he lurking about somewhere?”
She laughed. “He's off in another universe. It's just the two of us. And K9.” At his puzzled look she added, “that's our dog.”
“How lovely. Just the two of you.”
There were footsteps coming up the wider staircase, and Romana appeared. Her face fell when she saw Livia.
Livia opened her mouth to offer a long and convincing explanation of her presence, but she was hindered by the sudden grip of a hand around her neck, and the cold barrel of a weapon pressed against her head.
“Lady Romana,” said Hallas, “may I suggest you tell your rebels to stand down?”
“Oh, they're not my rebels. They were planning this long before I arrived on this planet.”
“But they would never have dared to act without your interference?”
“Maybe not. Will you shoot my daughter if I don't do as you say?”
In response, Hallas tightened his grip around Livia's throat.
“Oh dear,” said Romana, not sounding especially perturbed. “I expect that would make me unhappy.”
In the distance, Livia could hear shouts and the clash and buzz of weapons. And something else, too, like someone cutting through stone with a laser.
“Why don't we discuss this?” Romana offered Hallas a wide smile. “It's not too late to talk things over like adults. What could you offer the rebels, to prevent them from destroying your government?”
“Quick executions. They're slaves, nothing more.”
“Oh dear. That's not the right kind of spirit at all.” The sound of the laser was growing closer. “Let's try some lateral thinking. If you don't negotiate with the rebels, you will lose your position, and your chancellor will take your place.”
“That soft fool.”
“I found him quite sensible. Did you know, he studied with--” Romana broke off, looking past Hallas, and said, “now, K9!”
“Switching to stun setting.”
Hallas crumpled into a heap at Livia's feet. The sudden lack of pressure on her neck was enough to make her dizzy, but she had no time to enjoy the sensation before a strong hand closed over her shoulder, and her mother hurried her down the stairs.
“Quickly, before Hallas's guard find us--”
“Ow! You're hurting me--”
“Your timing could have been better, K9.”
“Density of stone was greater than estimated, Mistress.”
“Mother--”
“I'll speak to you in the TARDIS. Mind that molten stone--”
In the TARDIS, Livia was ignored entirely as her mother threw switches and activated the dematerialisation sequence. A good few minutes passed before Romana turned around with a sigh and said, “What am I to do with you, Livia?”
“Well,” she said thoughtfully, “you're probably angry that I disobeyed you, but so glad that I'm all right that you're not going to punish me?”
“Am I?”
“If it wasn't for your silly rules, I wouldn't have sneaked out at all!”
“So ... if I changed the rules, you could do exactly the same thing but without fear of punishment?”
Put that way, it didn't sound precisely as Livia had imagined.
“And if you think I should let you wander about while a slave revolt is being planned, you're quite wrong.”
“How was I to know there was a slave revolt?” snapped Livia.
“I spent two weeks living in the slave quarters! Did you imagine I was doing it for fun?”
Livia found that she didn't have an answer to this, mostly because it hadn't crossed her mind to wonder why her mother had been gone for that time. She'd spent the two weeks listening to loud music (ignoring K9's protests) and trying on her mother's clothes.
“Livia,” said Romana, “I'm afraid there's just no way I can even consider giving you free rein to do as you please until you can demonstrate more maturity than you have today. Maybe in fifty years...”
“Fifty years!”
“You can't just go blundering around alien life forms without the slightest bit of education--”
“Education! You just want to lock me up in the TARDIS with K9!” Livia crossed her arms defiantly. “Well, you can't do it. I'm going into my room, and I'm never coming out, and I'm never speaking to you again, so long as I live. So there.”
As she left, she heard her mother say, “Don't worry, K9. She'll get bored before two hundred years have passed.”
Which was completely unfair, Livia thought, and she slammed her door particularly hard to say so.
To be continued...
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2006-06-12 01:17 am (UTC)The primary purpose of this fic is to oppress Doctor/Rose shippers everywhere.
I should certainly hope so, yes.
no subject
Date: 2006-06-12 03:20 am (UTC)Curse my sentences, etc!
Livia is...not irritating, even likeable.
Damn. I'll have to work harder next time.
Thank you! (Yay, the sense of fun was there!) And thanks also for the birthday wishes, which are much appreciated.
no subject
Date: 2006-06-12 01:18 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-06-12 01:31 am (UTC)Romana = best mother ever. *is jealous of her mad parenting skillz*
no subject
Date: 2006-06-12 03:24 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-06-12 01:36 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-06-12 09:11 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-06-12 02:15 am (UTC)More please??
Happy Birthday!
no subject
Date: 2006-06-12 09:13 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-06-12 02:46 am (UTC)I watched a documentary called "Killer Squid" this morning, and thought of you. (I also thought of the Mystery Science Theatre 3000 spoof song for the film The Killer Shrews and have consequently had the phrase "Killer squid, killer squid, K-I-double-L-E-R squid!" running through my head all day. But you probably didn't need to know that.)
no subject
Date: 2006-06-12 09:16 pm (UTC)*envies you*
I was given an "I can read" book about squid. It made me happy.
no subject
Date: 2006-06-12 03:13 am (UTC)It is not the worst fic ever. It is grand.
no subject
Date: 2006-06-12 09:42 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-06-12 03:32 am (UTC)Ha! That is completely awesome. You do that sort of wry-yet-simultaneously-wacky humor so very well. I love it.
I do have to point out, though, that I don't feel at all oppressed by this story. You will clearly have to try harder. ;) Though I am, admittedly, not a very good shipper at the best of times, and particularly not in this fandom.
no subject
Date: 2006-06-12 09:45 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-06-12 04:53 am (UTC)You have the sulky 15-year-old down pat. This is fun! Definitely want more of this.
no subject
Date: 2006-06-12 09:52 pm (UTC)*writes faster*
no subject
Date: 2006-06-12 05:01 am (UTC)Also, this has the best. title. ever.
no subject
Date: 2006-06-12 09:53 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-06-12 05:26 am (UTC)And Happy Birthday.
no subject
Date: 2006-06-12 10:15 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-06-12 05:56 am (UTC)"Secret alien love child" should be in the summary of a lot more fic imo. Love what you're doing here, complete with typical angsty teenage girl *L*
no subject
Date: 2006-06-12 06:35 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-06-12 06:53 am (UTC)to oppress Doctor/Rose shippers everywhere
A noble aim, and finely executed. Yays! And a happy, happy birthday to you!
no subject
Date: 2006-06-12 07:52 am (UTC)*giggle* Teenaged Time Lords... deary me. Poor Livia.
no subject
Date: 2006-06-12 12:53 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-06-12 03:30 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-06-12 05:56 pm (UTC)And happy birthday!
no subject
Date: 2006-06-13 07:02 am (UTC)And this too.
She'd spent the two weeks listening to loud music (ignoring K9's protests) and trying on her mother's clothes.
no subject
Date: 2006-06-13 04:14 pm (UTC)Yeah, I'd like to see Chapter 2 of this.
no subject
Date: 2006-06-13 04:17 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-06-13 11:27 pm (UTC)Happy belated birthday, I ran out of ascii cake. [/rimshot]
You have made me curious about oppressing Doctor/Rose 'shippers, though. I should know what side of the gunwale I'll be found on when the tsunamis hit....
no subject
Date: 2007-05-13 07:51 am (UTC)