lizbee: A sketch of myself (Default)
[personal profile] lizbee
So it turns out that this will have three chapters, not two. I know, I know, I'm only compounding my sins, but seriously, the pacing really threw me.

Cheer Up, Emo Time Moppet
Chapter 2: The Oncoming Snit

Summary: "I'm almost certain Gallifrey existed when I left N-space..." Cheer up, emo Time Mum.
Disclaimer: Characters, situations, robot dog and the physical universe itself are the property and creation of the BBC. Our tax dollars at work. Well, not my tax dollars. Not dollars, either. Sappy sentimental bits swiped straight from Russell T Davies, so there.
Notes: Oppression by Calvin Klein. For the fangirl in all of us.

Chapter One
Chapter One point Five




Cheer Up, Emo Time Moppet
Chapter Two: The Oncoming Snit





Dear Generic Human Adolescent Periodical,
Every time I try to get my mother to see things from my perspective, she starts talking about maturity and perception and implying that I don’t have these qualities. How can I make her see reason?
Yrs sincerely, Emo in E-Space


Livia marched into the console room. She found her mother engrossed the installation of a sub-dimensional stabiliser, and had to pointedly clear her throat twice before Romana looked up and said, “Good morning, Livia. Could you hand me a transfer link, please?”

“I’ve decided what I want to do with my life,” Livia announced.

“Oh, good. But none of us will be doing anything if I don’t get that power link in a hurry.”

“Here.”

When the stabiliser had been installed, Romana said, “Now. What was it you wanted to do with your life?”

Livia straightened her spine and raised her chin proudly.

“I want to go to Gallifrey,” she said.

There was silence for a moment. Then Romana said, “Don’t be ridiculous.”

“Ridiculous? I’m being perfectly reasonable! I mean,” Livia realised she was yelling and returned her voice to a normal tone, “you’re always talking about my education, and the need for proper discipline. Isn’t Gallifrey the perfect place for that sort of thing?”

Romana said nothing.

“I could be a Prydonian,” Livia added.

Romana looked like she was doubting that this was a good thing. It wasn’t at all the response that Livia had expected, and she felt her temper beginning to rise.

“I mean, really, Mother,” she said, “you didn’t seriously imagine I’d want to spend my entire life in E-space? Only ever meeting aliens, never knowing another Time Lord…”

“But … Gallifrey is full of rules,” said Romana. “Real rules, I mean, that you’d have to follow.”

“I can follow rules!”

“You simply choose not to when it suits you?”

“Um.”

“On Gallifrey, they take those things very seriously.” Romana turned an old bit of filament around in her fingers. “A lot of the rules are unwritten. When a Time Lord violates the rules – or expectations – the consequences can be – awkward. Your father—“

“Was exiled for years, I know.” Livia crossed her arms. “I’ve heard this story.”

“Then maybe you should learn something from it,” Romana snapped. “You’d start off in an awkward position. You’re the first unauthorised biological child in—“

“I know what this is about! You’re just worried that I’m going to embarrass you.”

“That’s not—“ Romana faltered. “Well, slightly. But I don’t think you’d be happy on Gallifrey. And I can’t say I’d be overjoyed to return.”

“Fine,” Livia snapped. “We’ll stay in E-Space forever, and I’ll just rot in here.”

She stormed out in a huff. She passed K9 on her way to her room.

“Do you want to stay here forever?” she asked.

He twirled his ear sensors in confusion. “I am not programmed to want things,” he said.

“Yeah. Lucky you.”

*

Late that night, Livia was woken by a knock on her door.

“What?”

“It’s me,” her mother called.

“Obviously. K9 isn’t equipped for knocking.”

Livia hadn’t quite intended that as an invitation, but her mother opened the door anyway.

“I’ve been thinking,” she said. “You’re right.”

Livia sat up. “Huh?”

“You’re right.” Romana activated the lights. “You do have the right to see Gallifrey, and learn there, and meet – people. I was being unfair.”

“Oh.”

“I should have known years ago that E-space would grow too small for you.”

“Mm.”

“I never realised how quickly you’d grow. I’m sorry.”

Livia would have liked to preen at what she was almost certain was a compliment, but she had just realised she was still holding a plush toy with three eyes and tentacles, and it wasn’t quite consistent with the image of maturity she felt she should be presenting.

*

Leaving E-space was the easy part.

“A few hours,” Romana said, “and we’ll be at Gallifrey.” She was wearing a defiantly scarlet jacket, and looked slightly pale. Livia was politely ignoring this.

One small problem, though.

“Check your readings again, K9.”

“Results unchanged, Mistress.”

“But that’s impossible.”

“Maybe we’re lost,” said Livia helpfully.

Her mother gave her a baleful look.

“No, really. This TARDIS was designed for E-space. It’s probably having trouble coping with positive co-ordinates.”

I have no such problems,” said K9. He sounded slightly put out.

“But look at all the work we had to do to make sure you’d function in normal space,” said Livia.

K9 chirped with disdain. The technological indignities he had suffered were far too unpleasant to speak of, which was why Livia tried to raise them at every possible opportunity.

“There’s no mistake,” said Romana eventually. “Gallifrey is simply … not there.”

“What would make a whole planet disappear from time like that?”

“I don’t like to think.” But Romana evidently was thinking, because after a moment she added, “but I have a pretty good idea who to blame.”

*

“Gallifrey?” The wizened old storyteller sucked thoughtfully on her remaining teeth. “That’s a myth, isn’t it? Time Lords and that. The kiddies like it.”

“What happened to it?” Livia asked.

“They say there was a war…”

*

“Request information about planet Gallifrey.”

“Aren’t you a nice little doggie?”

“Request information about planet Gallifrey. Key words, Time War.”

“Oh dear. The Time War. That’s in the mythology section. Daleks and all that.”

Silence.

“Well there’s no need to beep at me like that.”

*

“I’m looking for a man—“

“Aren’t we all?”

“He calls himself the Doctor.”

“Oh. Him. Odd fellow, bit full of himself?”

“That sounds right.”

“He saved us from an invasion a while back. Little blond curls, big smile, coat like a cheap kaleidoscope?”

“Sure,” said Romana with a sigh, “why not?”

*

“Lonely god!” Romana closed the TARDIS door behind her with a slam. “Lonely god!”

“Oh boy,” Livia whispered to K9.

“When I’m finished with him, he’ll be too busy regenerating to be lonely!”

“Mother--?”

“I’ll give him ‘Oncoming Storm’!”

*

There was a memorial. Carved into a monolith on a desolate alien world, pictograms portrayed a war between flesh and metal, a war that transcended time and ended in mutual destruction, with one survivor walking away.

Beneath it, someone had carved, You are not alone.

“There must be someone else,” said Romana.

“Um,” said Livia.

“What?”

“Well, there is someone else. You and I. And, um, that’s my handwriting.”

Romana fingered the carvings. They were at least a millennium old.

“All those times I’ve tried to teach you about the dangers of creating paradoxes,” she said sadly. “And now I see there’s simply no point.”

They stood in silence for several minutes.

“Do you still have my cherry-red lipstick?” Romana asked.

“It’s in my bag,” said Livia. Belatedly she remembered that she had borrowed it without permission six weeks earlier, and then claimed she’d never seen it, but her mother didn’t appear to notice. Romana uncapped the lipstick and left a message of her own. It was considerably ruder than the one Livia would leave.

“I didn’t even know you knew those words,” said Livia later.

Her mother said nothing.

“I don’t even know what some of them mean.”

“Good.”

And that was all that was said about it.

*

Earth wasn’t living up to Livia’s expectations. For one thing, it was a lot greyer than she’d expected, and they’d been here a week, and not a single alien had tried to invade.

“Sugar?”

“Two, please, no milk.”

“I’m not sure if I can be much help to you.” Sarah Jane Smith sipped her tea thoughtfully. “I didn’t hear from the Doctor for years until I ran into him last month.”

“But he is alive?”

“Oh yes.” Sarah Jane leaned back, gaze flickering occasionally to Livia. “He’s regenerated again. He looks like a very attractive weasel. And I think he’s longsighted. The TARDIS hasn’t changed, though.”

Romana asked, “Is he alone?”

“He’s travelling with a girl named Rose, who says she’s not his assistant. But you can’t make any jokes about that, because I’ve already told all the good ones. And a boy named Mickey.” She stared absently over Livia’s shoulder. “It’s so strange,” she added. “I didn’t think that Time Lords—“

“They don’t,” said Romana. “In the usual course of events.”

“She looks awfully like him.”

“I know.” Romana sounded resigned. “It was impossible to miss.”

“I am in the room, you know,” said Livia.

“It must be difficult, raising her on your own.”

“Oh well,” Romana waved her hand vaguely, “there’s always K9.”

In unison, both women turned to look at the K9s, who were examining each other’s upgrades.

“It’s a difficult age,” Romana added.

“Teenagers love to think they know everything.”

“Excuse me,” said Livia.

Romana and Sarah Jane looked at her.

“Well, I’m not invisible,” she said.

“We’re trying to have a conversation,” said Romana gently. “Why don’t you take the dogs for a walk?”

On the whole, Livia decided, she was beginning to miss E-space.

*

The plan – not that Livia thought it should be dignified with that name – was to hang around Earth until something happened and the Doctor turned up. At which point, she assumed, there would be an unpleasant and embarrassing scene.

In the end, it only took a month, and in the meantime, her mother and Sarah Jane dealt with any number of incidents themselves. Livia was permitted to accompany them, but the thrill vanished surprisingly quickly when she realised that her primary job involved keeping a look-out and making sure the K9s were where they were meant to be.

Saving the world was so boring.

She was waiting outside a warehouse, early one Thursday morning, when a new sound interrupted the wails of sirens and marauding aliens. A TARDIS.

Aliens, humans, K9s and her mother could look after themselves. Livia began to run towards the new sound.

The TARDIS was deserted by the time she found it, an incongruously blue box sitting peacefully beside an overflowing bin. Livia lurked at the edge of the alleyway, considering. The key to her mother’s TARDIS hung around her neck. She fingered it absently. That TARDIS had been based on this one…

Her key was a perfect fit. The door swung open without hesitation.



To be continued




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Date: 2006-06-24 10:50 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] doyle_sb4.livejournal.com
*keyboard mash* I love it. I love it. I love it incoherently. And I'm dying for Livia to meet her father...

Date: 2006-06-25 03:29 am (UTC)
ext_6531: (Default)
From: [identity profile] lizbee.livejournal.com
Soon. Yes, soon. *stares at OpenOffice*

Date: 2006-06-24 11:24 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] cesario.livejournal.com
“When I’m finished with him, he’ll be too busy regenerating to be lonely!”

AAAGGGH

That whole section made me giggle insanely. OMG this is so cut/much fun/excellent! Which Doctor does Livia look like though? Also, THE ONCOMING SNIT! AHAHAHAHAHA

Also, this story is all the more funny for the fact that two days ago at the mall I saw a tiny child who, honestly, was the spitting image of what Lalla Ward must have looked like when she was four.

Date: 2006-06-25 03:47 am (UTC)
ext_6531: (Default)
From: [identity profile] lizbee.livejournal.com
Which Doctor does Livia look like though?

She has a mop of curls like Four, but they're more the colour of the first Romana's. In fact, if you can picture Summer Glau with riotous curls, that's Livia.

Date: 2006-06-28 05:27 am (UTC)
infiniteviking: A bird with wings raised in excitement. (Default)
From: [personal profile] infiniteviking
*squees from the insane cuteness*

Date: 2006-06-24 11:25 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] rj-anderson.livejournal.com
“I’ll give him ‘Oncoming Storm’!”

*laughs until appendix ruptures*

That and the K9s examining each other's upgrades absolutely made my day. This is sheer brilliance, is what it is.

Date: 2006-06-25 03:52 am (UTC)
ext_6531: (Default)
From: [identity profile] lizbee.livejournal.com
You know, you really should see someone about that appendix...

Date: 2006-06-24 12:37 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] aervir.livejournal.com
“Lonely god!” Romana closed the TARDIS door behind her with a slam. “Lonely god!”

“Oh boy,” Livia whispered to K9.

“When I’m finished with him, he’ll be too busy regenerating to be lonely!”

“Mother--?”

“I’ll give him ‘Oncoming Storm’!”


*rotfl*

The Time Moppet seems to get funnier with every part!

Date: 2006-06-25 03:57 am (UTC)
ext_6531: (Default)
From: [identity profile] lizbee.livejournal.com
I'm glad to hear it. Just because I'm easily amused doesn't mean anyone else is going to be laughing!

Date: 2006-06-24 01:04 pm (UTC)
ext_17485: (Default)
From: [identity profile] calapine.livejournal.com
You have made me like Livia. Am unimpressed. :p

I love this, I do, and have Vague Guilt at my love, but it is a beautiful, shiny, fun thing and makes me smile lots.

Date: 2006-06-25 04:10 am (UTC)
ext_6531: (Default)
From: [identity profile] lizbee.livejournal.com
Now I know how Jane Austen felt when she discovered that everyone liked Emma Woodhouse. I feel terrible. Is there anything I can do to make Livia less likable?

Here via a friend's flist

Date: 2006-06-24 01:22 pm (UTC)
tree_and_leaf: Watercolour of barn owl perched on post. (Default)
From: [personal profile] tree_and_leaf
This is sheer unadulterated brilliance, and I can't wait for the rest. Mind if I friend you?

Re: Here via a friend's flist

Date: 2006-06-25 04:24 am (UTC)
ext_6531: (Default)
From: [identity profile] lizbee.livejournal.com
Friend away! *enjoys the attention*

Date: 2006-06-24 02:03 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ljrags.livejournal.com
You have made my morning! THANK YOU!

More please....

Date: 2006-06-25 04:27 am (UTC)
ext_6531: (Default)
From: [identity profile] lizbee.livejournal.com
YOU'RE WELCOME!

*writes more*

Date: 2006-06-24 02:19 pm (UTC)
kerravonsen: (Default)
From: [personal profile] kerravonsen
In unison, both women turned to look at the K9s, who were examining each other’s upgrades.

*snerk*

Somehow, I get the picture of two dogs sniffing each other...

More, please.

Date: 2006-06-25 04:28 am (UTC)
ext_6531: (Default)
From: [identity profile] lizbee.livejournal.com
That was the implication, yeah. But somehow, I couldn't quite bring myself to mak it overt. *not a dog person*

Date: 2006-06-25 06:24 am (UTC)
kerravonsen: (Default)
From: [personal profile] kerravonsen
Oh, it's much better for not being overt.

Date: 2006-06-24 03:19 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] prof-pangaea.livejournal.com
this is ridiculously good. can't quote any part because i'd just end up repeating the whole story. so, excellent.

(one typo though: She found her mother engrossed the installation of a sub-dimensional stabiliser -- assume you want "engrossed in the installation").

Date: 2006-06-25 04:28 am (UTC)
ext_6531: (Default)
From: [identity profile] lizbee.livejournal.com
*shifty eyes*

Whoops. Thanks.

Date: 2006-06-25 07:41 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] prof-pangaea.livejournal.com
by the way, watched city of death a couple of days ago. hee.

Date: 2006-06-24 03:28 pm (UTC)
ext_12918: (Default)
From: [identity profile] deralte.livejournal.com
Wah! (Please ma'am, may I have some more?)

Lovely stuff. I loved the whole montage about searching about real space for a trace of the Doctor.

Date: 2006-06-24 03:43 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] pharnabazus.livejournal.com
Very much enjoying this!

Date: 2006-06-24 07:07 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] herewiss13.livejournal.com
Extremely amusing. More please! ;-)

Date: 2006-06-24 07:27 pm (UTC)
gloss: woman in front of birch tree looking to the right (Default)
From: [personal profile] gloss
This feedback is solely on the headers, as I need to catch up, but! Oppression by Calvin Klein. For the fangirl in all of us. *really* needs to be iconned.

Date: 2006-06-24 11:16 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lizziwig.livejournal.com
This is genius. Please continue.

Date: 2006-06-25 03:30 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kismeteve.livejournal.com
I love, love it. I laughed so hard my m&m fell out of my mouth.

Date: 2006-06-25 07:20 am (UTC)
tellitslant: agatha making a shushing gesture (Default)
From: [personal profile] tellitslant
Eeeep, what a place to leave off! *loves* Sarah Jane! And the K-9s exploring each other!

And “When I’m finished with him, he’ll be too busy regenerating to be lonely!” Heeeeee.

Date: 2006-06-25 08:31 am (UTC)
From: [personal profile] ikindofrock
He’s travelling with a girl named Rose, who says she’s not his assistant. But you can’t make any jokes about that, because I’ve already told all the good ones.

Hee to that! and to everything else!

Please never end this fic! Never ever! May Romana have moppets til the end of time!

Date: 2006-06-25 08:34 am (UTC)
From: [personal profile] ikindofrock
Oh and I just saw the title "The Oncoming Snit," and giggle for approximately 5 minutes.

I honestly believe that RTD's greatest accomplishment in the new series is that "little epigraph that could," the oncoming storm.

It gives us fans such pleasure.

Date: 2006-08-10 01:47 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] pbristow.livejournal.com
"I honestly believe that RTD's greatest accomplishment in the new series is that "little epigraph that could," the oncoming storm."

Ahem. Paul Cornell's, I think. Or was it Ben A? [TRIES TO UNRAVEL VAGUE MEMORIES OF LONG DISTANT READING OF VIRGIN NAs]

Date: 2006-08-10 02:37 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] pbristow.livejournal.com
Ah, here we go (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ka_Faraq_Gatri)!

To his greatest enemies, the Daleks, the Doctor is known as the Ka Faraq Gatri, the "Bringer of Darkness" or "Destroyer of Worlds". This is first mentioned in the novelisation of Remembrance of the Daleks by Ben Aaronovitch and subsequently taken up in the spin-off media, particularly the Virgin New Adventures books and the Doctor Who Magazine comic strip. In The Parting of the Ways, the Doctor claims that the Daleks call him "The Oncoming Storm" — this name is used by the Draconians (whose word for it is "Karshtakavaar") to refer to the Doctor in the Virgin New Adventures novel Love and War by Paul Cornell.

Basically, Rusty got his Dalek and Draconian legends mixed up, silly man. =:o}

Date: 2006-06-25 09:20 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] purple-smurf.livejournal.com
Oh. my. God. The amount of love I have here knows no bounds. I'm laughing hysterically. I'm scaring the cat. I'm flailing like no one has ever flailed before. I'm editing journal entries and waving my arms around and *dying* with laughter and love. I can't say what's the best part because I LOVE IT ALL. Romana!!!! So much love. So perfect. So Romana and lovely and fantastic. PLEASE GIVE ME MORE!!!!

Date: 2006-06-25 04:27 pm (UTC)
aberrantangels: (Default)
From: [personal profile] aberrantangels
I am here on your recommendation. I am friending [livejournal.com profile] lizbee so as not to reduce my chances of missing any more chapters. Thank you.

Date: 2006-06-26 12:59 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] purple-smurf.livejournal.com
FYI: Am re-reading because I'm Obsessive. Am rereading in a library. So next time you're working and there's someone at the computers desperately shaking in an attempt not to disturb everyone else at the computers? Don't call them insane, they could be reading this ;)

Date: 2006-06-25 04:37 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] cherryice.livejournal.com
Oh my goodness, I have so much love for this story.

“All those times I’ve tried to teach you about the dangers of creating paradoxes,” she said sadly. “And now I see there’s simply no point.” Heeee.

Date: 2006-06-26 03:42 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] madderbrad.livejournal.com
Excellent story, great humour!

Date: 2006-06-26 04:30 pm (UTC)
fyrdrakken: (Default)
From: [personal profile] fyrdrakken
Fave line out of this section: “I don’t like to think.” But Romana evidently was thinking, because after a moment she added, “but I have a pretty good idea who to blame.” Because it's so, so right. Definitely adoring the Doctor hunt and the meetup with Sarah Jane, and greatly looking forward to the next installment!

Date: 2006-06-26 09:59 pm (UTC)
my_daroga: Mucha's "Dance" (Default)
From: [personal profile] my_daroga
On the edge of my seat... awesome...

Date: 2006-06-28 05:38 am (UTC)
infiniteviking: A bird with wings raised in excitement. (Default)
From: [personal profile] infiniteviking
"And, um, that’s my handwriting."

Hee! So many good lines. Aliens, humans, K9s and her mother could look after themselves.... And poor L -- the hardest part about that age is the way adults talk about you like one of their projects.

The plan – not that Livia thought it should be dignified with that name – was to hang around Earth until something happened and the Doctor turned up. At which point, she assumed, there would be an unpleasant and embarrassing scene.

You make a difficult and painful situation funny without trying to smooth it over talk around it... bravo!

AAGH CLIFFHANGER AAGH!

Date: 2006-07-03 04:02 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kneesroverrated.livejournal.com
Here from... somewhere that has been been blotted from my brain by the utterly wrong wonderfulness that is this story.

He looks like a very attractive weasel.

*chokes* Yes, that's it! That's absolutely it!


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