Screencap Recap: "The Tudors" 1x03
Sep. 6th, 2008 10:13 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lizbeeIn which no one expects the Spanish Inquisition King! And Wolsey wears a pimping hat.
We open with Thomas More in a coach. Doublehandsomenessplus good!
He's escorting the Spanish envoys to the King, and talking smack about Lutherans.
More's all, "My King is writing a pamphlet about how Luther sucks."
And the Spanish are like, "Writing it himself? NO WAI!"
And More is totally, "WAI. HE R L33T."
Then he looks troubled, because he's the original emo kid of Tudor England.
So More takes the envoys to Wolsey, and he's like, "MAH BFFS! MAH SPANISH BFFS! Not you, More."
This is Thomas More's pwned!face.
Meanwhile, Wolsey's all, "What up, Spanish BFFs?"
"We've decided you'd make a rocking pope."
Never mind that they've just gotten a brand-new pope, and he's going to be played by Peter O'Toole. The important thing is Wolsey's "what? Little ole me?" face.
Meanwhile, Thomas Boleyn and Norfolk are scheming about how best to get the royal Tab A into Anne's Slot B. I keep expecting Boleyn to be a bit weird about pimping out his daughters, but he's apparently quite cool with it.
Anne has been conducting a (maybe-chaste) romance with a married poet, also wearing a lovely curtain. You can just see she and Henry are made for one another.
Then she's off to become one of Katherine's ladies-in-waiting, a job which seems to involve being part of a pageant for the entertainment of the Spanish envoys. I don't know what history did to the costume designers, but I bet it's sorry now. On the left is Margaret, the King's sister. Anne is on the right.
Henry's like, "Oh hai sexy masked lady. I sure hope it's not my sister I'm hitting on."
Sexual tension: they has it. Sort of.
Meanwhile, Margaret Tudor is in a snit because she's being married off to the King of Portugal, when Wikipedia says very clearly that she should be marrying the King of France. Also that she's supposed to have a younger sister. At least she's played by Gabrielle Anwar!
Two things:
1. Wolsey's robes are fabbity fab.
2. Making JRM stand around holding phallic objects doesn't make him any more manly.
Marital bliss, Tudor style!
Thomas More is beta reading the King's anti-Lutheran meta.
This is a very serious task that requires him to be terribly good-looking.
Handsome from any angle, and he knows where commas go. Truly he is a model to all beta readers.
Henry's all, "Oh hai, I need you to go to Rome for me."
"Also I've decided to give you a knighthood. And foreshadow your future by pointing out that you're not a saint. DON'T GO LOSING YOUR HEAD OVER THIS."
"Also I need you to round up and burn all copies of the Lutheran heresy. Kthxbai!"
Wolsey's assistant/spy dude is like, "Someone has told the French we're cheating on them with Spain. WHO WOULD DO THAT?!!!"
Wolsey: *eyedarts*
Thomas More does not enjoy burning books. This is because he's a good guy.
Then the King of Spain randomly turns up. Check out the headgear!
Wolsey, suffering a twinge of hat-envy, digs up his pimpingest haberdashery.
"Now I shall have the best hat in England! I and no other!"
The King begs to differ.
Henry shows Charles V that England has the finest in green-screens and matte paintings.
That's the Mary Rose in the background, which did not (for the record) sink on its maiden voyage. I was a marine archaeology nerd when I was a teen, and watched multiple documentaries about it. The maiden voyage thing is just an urban myth.
Wolsey's spy-dude has been arrested for treason. He's not too happy about it, on account of how he's been framed.
LOOK AT THAT OUTFIT. It's a miracle to me that anyone would have sex with Henry.
Let alone Anne, who is frankly gorgeous. I may have a girlcrush on Natalie Dormer. I can confirm nothing.
Charles has been betrothed to Bloody Mary. Ways this is creepy:
- He's a grown up. She's a wee child.
- They're cousins.
- She's going to end up marrying his son.
Having said that, their interactions are as non-creepy as possible under the circumstances, and everyone is overwhelmed by the cuteness.
Except, of course, for Margaret, whose still unhappy about being married off. Don't worry, Margaret, you'll shag Charles Brandon soon. IT'S NOT A SPOILER, IT'S HISTORY.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND some other stuff happened, but none of it was the sort of thing that looks good in a screencap. There was not enough Katherine, except when she's being emo about her marriage. OH WAIT, SHE DOES THAT EVERY EPISODE.
We open with Thomas More in a coach. Doublehandsomenessplus good!
He's escorting the Spanish envoys to the King, and talking smack about Lutherans.
More's all, "My King is writing a pamphlet about how Luther sucks."
And the Spanish are like, "Writing it himself? NO WAI!"
And More is totally, "WAI. HE R L33T."
Then he looks troubled, because he's the original emo kid of Tudor England.
So More takes the envoys to Wolsey, and he's like, "MAH BFFS! MAH SPANISH BFFS! Not you, More."
This is Thomas More's pwned!face.
Meanwhile, Wolsey's all, "What up, Spanish BFFs?"
"We've decided you'd make a rocking pope."
Never mind that they've just gotten a brand-new pope, and he's going to be played by Peter O'Toole. The important thing is Wolsey's "what? Little ole me?" face.
Meanwhile, Thomas Boleyn and Norfolk are scheming about how best to get the royal Tab A into Anne's Slot B. I keep expecting Boleyn to be a bit weird about pimping out his daughters, but he's apparently quite cool with it.
Anne has been conducting a (maybe-chaste) romance with a married poet, also wearing a lovely curtain. You can just see she and Henry are made for one another.
Then she's off to become one of Katherine's ladies-in-waiting, a job which seems to involve being part of a pageant for the entertainment of the Spanish envoys. I don't know what history did to the costume designers, but I bet it's sorry now. On the left is Margaret, the King's sister. Anne is on the right.
Henry's like, "Oh hai sexy masked lady. I sure hope it's not my sister I'm hitting on."
Sexual tension: they has it. Sort of.
Meanwhile, Margaret Tudor is in a snit because she's being married off to the King of Portugal, when Wikipedia says very clearly that she should be marrying the King of France. Also that she's supposed to have a younger sister. At least she's played by Gabrielle Anwar!
Two things:
1. Wolsey's robes are fabbity fab.
2. Making JRM stand around holding phallic objects doesn't make him any more manly.
Marital bliss, Tudor style!
Thomas More is beta reading the King's anti-Lutheran meta.
This is a very serious task that requires him to be terribly good-looking.
Handsome from any angle, and he knows where commas go. Truly he is a model to all beta readers.
Henry's all, "Oh hai, I need you to go to Rome for me."
"Also I've decided to give you a knighthood. And foreshadow your future by pointing out that you're not a saint. DON'T GO LOSING YOUR HEAD OVER THIS."
"Also I need you to round up and burn all copies of the Lutheran heresy. Kthxbai!"
Wolsey's assistant/spy dude is like, "Someone has told the French we're cheating on them with Spain. WHO WOULD DO THAT?!!!"
Wolsey: *eyedarts*
Thomas More does not enjoy burning books. This is because he's a good guy.
Then the King of Spain randomly turns up. Check out the headgear!
Wolsey, suffering a twinge of hat-envy, digs up his pimpingest haberdashery.
"Now I shall have the best hat in England! I and no other!"
The King begs to differ.
Henry shows Charles V that England has the finest in green-screens and matte paintings.
That's the Mary Rose in the background, which did not (for the record) sink on its maiden voyage. I was a marine archaeology nerd when I was a teen, and watched multiple documentaries about it. The maiden voyage thing is just an urban myth.
Wolsey's spy-dude has been arrested for treason. He's not too happy about it, on account of how he's been framed.
LOOK AT THAT OUTFIT. It's a miracle to me that anyone would have sex with Henry.
Let alone Anne, who is frankly gorgeous. I may have a girlcrush on Natalie Dormer. I can confirm nothing.
Charles has been betrothed to Bloody Mary. Ways this is creepy:
- He's a grown up. She's a wee child.
- They're cousins.
- She's going to end up marrying his son.
Having said that, their interactions are as non-creepy as possible under the circumstances, and everyone is overwhelmed by the cuteness.
Except, of course, for Margaret, whose still unhappy about being married off. Don't worry, Margaret, you'll shag Charles Brandon soon. IT'S NOT A SPOILER, IT'S HISTORY.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND some other stuff happened, but none of it was the sort of thing that looks good in a screencap. There was not enough Katherine, except when she's being emo about her marriage. OH WAIT, SHE DOES THAT EVERY EPISODE.
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no subject
Date: 2008-09-06 12:21 am (UTC)Dude, I don't even like Burn Notice. o_o;no subject
Date: 2008-09-06 01:03 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-09-06 12:36 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-09-06 12:55 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-09-06 03:45 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-09-06 05:26 am (UTC)And I totally didn't have a workmate reserve it simply for the hawt.
no subject
Date: 2008-09-06 02:33 pm (UTC)*snickers*
Best recaps ever of a show I'll never watch... even though I'm tempted for the pulchritudinous Jeremy Northam.
no subject
Date: 2008-09-06 02:42 pm (UTC)Your caps are even more cracktastic than the original show, and that's saying something :p
no subject
Date: 2008-09-07 01:17 am (UTC)Why is this not an icon?
no subject
Date: 2008-09-07 01:40 pm (UTC)There should be a biopic about Catherine of Aragon, just for once...